142!!!!!!!!!!

I was hoping for something over 50, since it's still really early. Betabase has the average hCG for 13 dpiui as 36. But 142! That far exceeded my expectations. I have my follow ups on Monday and Wednesday. It's going to be a looong weekend, those pee sticks aren't going to know what hit'em! Well, they will, I just have a feeling I'm going to be grabbing one every time I go to the bathroom.

I had prepared myself for a lower number and had convinced myself that I wasn't going to get as caught up in everything as I did last time but the nurse's message was SO different. Last time she said things like, "well, it's officially positive" and "come back in 2 days, we need to ride this out." This time first thing she said "I have good news", said congrats 3 times, and that it was a nice high number given that I was testing early. Since she's a medical professional, she's got me all excited. I recognize that I only believe her when she says things I want to hear. That I'm like the woman with the cheating husband, ignoring the lipstick and being gone all hours and just focusing on the fact that he bought me some grocery store flowers.

I really need to protect myself. I know this isn't a sure thing. Neither one of us has mentioned the p-word yet. I remember back when we were first trying and every single cycle I would figure out my due date with those online calculators. I'd think of the season, what type of clothes I'd be wearing, would it be really hot, would I have to worry about slipping on ice? I thought all of these things monthly, and always got my heart broken. Still haven't gone to any of those sites and done that, I almost don't want to know. First, it would be admitting it and second, it would make it far too real. Don't get me wrong, I'm absolutely giddy with excitement, but I'm trying to do the cautious optimism thing.