I'm determined to get back into blogging, if there is anyone out there reading. I've been reading and following everyone and promise to get back to being a good commentor too.
To recap the last 3 months:
- breastfeeding--has gone from horrible to good to ok to ouch to not too bad to....It really is a rollercoaster and is NOTHING like what I thought. I pictured a warm light coming in the window as I smiled down at my peaceful little baby nursing. HA!! She still screams her way through her evening feedings. The neighbors probably think we're torturing her. We've been to the doctor and ruled out reflux and colic and all those things. She just doesn't want to eat between the hours of 5 and 10. But she's putting on the pounds so I'm not supposed to worry
- sleeping--not to jinx anything but the girl is practically a narcoleptic. Soooo lucky on that front. We're working on getting her into her own room since she's still in the pack n play in our room.
- me--where to even start. I've had a definite case of the baby blues. I had a really hard time in early November, thinking back to all of the crap going on last November. And then of course I felt guilty for being upset. Pretty much every day I check and see what was going on this time last year. It's crazy, I thought I had moved on from all of this crap but clearly I didn't. On top of that, my mom is having a horrible time right now with the holidays. All sorts of family crap is going on. And I'm in the middle of deciding if I should go back to work or not. Nothing is ever easy I guess.
gotta run---shortlived little nap
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
bad kitty momma
I feel so horrible right now. On Tuesday morning our cleaning lady came and apparently she shut the door to the bathroom in the basement....the cat's bathroom. I hardly ever go down there, it's Mr H's domain and he is out of town all week. So this morning, at 6 am, I open the door to the nursery to feed Sweetness and the cat runs in, squats under the rocker, and does a massive poop. Of course I yell and hit him (great reaction huh) and only after that think to check the door. So now I feel horrible, poor thing has been holding it for 2 whole days. I knew he had been extra needy and bad Tuesday night and yesterday but I just ignored it. I just really hope this doesn't become a pattern...and I hate that he picked the babies room to do it. Only saving grace is that we had a carpet remnant under the rocker to protect the new carpet so I just picked it up and threw it out.
He still hasn't gone in and used his litterbox yet though...guess I should be on the look out for pee somewhere too...
He still hasn't gone in and used his litterbox yet though...guess I should be on the look out for pee somewhere too...
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
a nothing post
I've logged in almost every day to post but once I get to this blank screen, I don't know what I want to say. Do I write one of those sappy posts about how amazing it is to finally have our little girl? Or do I annoyingly write about how freaking hard a newborn is? No one wants to hear any of that crap...and frankly I don't really want to write it. And I don't really want this to become a blog only about Sweetness.
So instead I'll write about something I am all too familiar writing about...doctor's appointments! I have my 6 week post partum on Thursday. I'm not really looking forward to yet another cervix check. And I know I'm going to have to fight him on the whole birth control thing but I figure since I was off the pill for 2.5 years and all I ever managed were two chemical pregnancies, there's no real point in wasting the money. I do plan on asking him more about testing for the breast cancer gene. I posted awhile back that my aunt tested positive for both BRCA1 and 2. I still don't know if I want to get tested but at least I'm now at the point where I can start gathering some information. I think getting tested would be the responsible thing to do, especially if we decide to go through fertility treatments again, but being responsible is no fun. It is much more my style to put my head in the sand and let my indecision make my decisions. I am SOOO good at that.
So this is my nothing post. I'm still trying to read everybody but don't always have the time (or a free hand) to comment, but I'm always thinking of everyone!!!
So instead I'll write about something I am all too familiar writing about...doctor's appointments! I have my 6 week post partum on Thursday. I'm not really looking forward to yet another cervix check. And I know I'm going to have to fight him on the whole birth control thing but I figure since I was off the pill for 2.5 years and all I ever managed were two chemical pregnancies, there's no real point in wasting the money. I do plan on asking him more about testing for the breast cancer gene. I posted awhile back that my aunt tested positive for both BRCA1 and 2. I still don't know if I want to get tested but at least I'm now at the point where I can start gathering some information. I think getting tested would be the responsible thing to do, especially if we decide to go through fertility treatments again, but being responsible is no fun. It is much more my style to put my head in the sand and let my indecision make my decisions. I am SOOO good at that.
So this is my nothing post. I'm still trying to read everybody but don't always have the time (or a free hand) to comment, but I'm always thinking of everyone!!!
Friday, October 3, 2008
that ugly green monster
no...I'm not talking about the r.ed s.ox here people
At my shower in mid-august my cousin mentioned having her last hurrah before trying to get pregnant with #2. Well she just IM'ed me and of course, she's 8 weeks along. I shouldn't care. Not only do I have my Sweetness but my cousin and I are super close and she was so supportive of me during all of our infertility crap. In fact, she found out right when Sweetness was born and didn't tell anyone right away so we could have our time. Which is beyond sweet. But still, I just hate that is comes so easy for some people....
At my shower in mid-august my cousin mentioned having her last hurrah before trying to get pregnant with #2. Well she just IM'ed me and of course, she's 8 weeks along. I shouldn't care. Not only do I have my Sweetness but my cousin and I are super close and she was so supportive of me during all of our infertility crap. In fact, she found out right when Sweetness was born and didn't tell anyone right away so we could have our time. Which is beyond sweet. But still, I just hate that is comes so easy for some people....
Friday, September 26, 2008
can't think of a good title...
Yikes, nothing like breastfeeding questions to bring out the commentors!!
Let me clear my poor LC's good name, she is not the one obsessed with time, etc, I am. In fact, she keeps telling me now that my milk supply is good, to just trust my body and trust the baby. Well, you all know that I have a VERY hard time trusting my body and I'm also a little nervous about trusting someone that poops her pants about 6 times a day. That doesn't inspire trust. And I'm obsessive by my very nature. I obsess over minutia for a living...seriously, I break complex behaviors down into their itty bitty components and collect data on those itty bitty things. And then I analyze and graph and do all sorts of fun stuff with it. So me collecting data right now on her time on breast, if she cues, and her pee and poop is nothing. There is so much more I'd like to measure (like duration of sucking but I don't have a free hand to work the timer, and I am SO not kidding)
But I am starting to relax about it all. When she's hungry the girl most certainly eats, and when she isn't, she doesn't. The fact that she is starting to visibly gain weight and has grown out of her first set of PJ's does make me feel a little bit better. So I'm working on the whole trust thing. But right now, there is no way I could stop with my data, no matter how many people tell me I'm being crazy, it makes me feel like I have some semblance of control and am doing something proactive to make sure she's eating and staying healthy.
In other news, my dad is coming to stay with us for the weekend. Cue family drama. You may remember he left my mom in June and moved 8 hours away...and no one really knows why he made the move. He's since lost his job so he's now completely alone with nothing to do. For a man with a history of depression as well as a history of self-medicating that depression, that is not a good thing. He says he's finally going to do something that makes him happy, instead of some corporate job. Only problem is, hiking and drinking wine seems to make him happiest. And he could open a hiking and wine store but that would be a pretty niche market...not sure how well it would do. So, he's flying down for the weekend to see the baby, my mom got all upset that she won't be able to see her this weekend (for the record, my mom lives under 10 minutes away and has come over on her lunch break to see Sweetness), my brother is pissed because my dad picked the only weekend all fall that he has to work...and Mr H and I don't really know what to do with him. The whole thing is going to be so incredibly awkward. Luckily, we have a bunch of things around the house that Mr H needs help with. So that will at least give him something to do. And...in a few weeks, he wants to come down and stay for the entire week to help me out. So this is really just a dress rehearsal. uggg...
Now I have to go vacuum for him, you see, the man is also very allergic to cats and never wants to take any allergy medicine when he comes over. uggg again...
hmmm...as I re-read this, writing about my neuroses and then my dad's makes my whole family seem kind of f-ed up...guess the apple doesn't fall to far from the tree...hopefully Sweetness will be spared
Let me clear my poor LC's good name, she is not the one obsessed with time, etc, I am. In fact, she keeps telling me now that my milk supply is good, to just trust my body and trust the baby. Well, you all know that I have a VERY hard time trusting my body and I'm also a little nervous about trusting someone that poops her pants about 6 times a day. That doesn't inspire trust. And I'm obsessive by my very nature. I obsess over minutia for a living...seriously, I break complex behaviors down into their itty bitty components and collect data on those itty bitty things. And then I analyze and graph and do all sorts of fun stuff with it. So me collecting data right now on her time on breast, if she cues, and her pee and poop is nothing. There is so much more I'd like to measure (like duration of sucking but I don't have a free hand to work the timer, and I am SO not kidding)
But I am starting to relax about it all. When she's hungry the girl most certainly eats, and when she isn't, she doesn't. The fact that she is starting to visibly gain weight and has grown out of her first set of PJ's does make me feel a little bit better. So I'm working on the whole trust thing. But right now, there is no way I could stop with my data, no matter how many people tell me I'm being crazy, it makes me feel like I have some semblance of control and am doing something proactive to make sure she's eating and staying healthy.
In other news, my dad is coming to stay with us for the weekend. Cue family drama. You may remember he left my mom in June and moved 8 hours away...and no one really knows why he made the move. He's since lost his job so he's now completely alone with nothing to do. For a man with a history of depression as well as a history of self-medicating that depression, that is not a good thing. He says he's finally going to do something that makes him happy, instead of some corporate job. Only problem is, hiking and drinking wine seems to make him happiest. And he could open a hiking and wine store but that would be a pretty niche market...not sure how well it would do. So, he's flying down for the weekend to see the baby, my mom got all upset that she won't be able to see her this weekend (for the record, my mom lives under 10 minutes away and has come over on her lunch break to see Sweetness), my brother is pissed because my dad picked the only weekend all fall that he has to work...and Mr H and I don't really know what to do with him. The whole thing is going to be so incredibly awkward. Luckily, we have a bunch of things around the house that Mr H needs help with. So that will at least give him something to do. And...in a few weeks, he wants to come down and stay for the entire week to help me out. So this is really just a dress rehearsal. uggg...
Now I have to go vacuum for him, you see, the man is also very allergic to cats and never wants to take any allergy medicine when he comes over. uggg again...
hmmm...as I re-read this, writing about my neuroses and then my dad's makes my whole family seem kind of f-ed up...guess the apple doesn't fall to far from the tree...hopefully Sweetness will be spared
Sunday, September 21, 2008
I'm a liar
I have no groove whatsoever. Friday night was probably her worst ever. We could not put her down or she'd scream bloody murder. Being the bad mom that I am, I did not read in the baby book until saturday afternoon that between 2-3 weeks is a growth spurt and she's going to want to eat more often. So last night we picked up the feedings and she did a little bit better. But me, I've got no groove, who the hell am I kidding??
I have turned back into my OCD self and am completely over-analyzing every single feeding. It's just what I do...and its a whole new world for me to google. The LC says we should be doing 10 a side at each feeding, all of the books say a full feeding is at least 15 minutes (one says 15 a side, no way she'd ever do that). She typically does a 10 and then 2-3 minutes on the other one. So of course now I obsess that she isn't eating enough. I'm going to give the LC a call in a little bit....this is why people should never give me their home phone number ;) We're going in for a weight check tomorrow so that will put my mind at ease for a little bit. I tried to convince Mr H to let me buy a scale but no luck...aside from the fact that it is an outrageous idea, I would get even more obsessed.
Ok--still trying to finish the thank you notes from my shower that was now a full 4 weeks ago...see I have NO groove
I have turned back into my OCD self and am completely over-analyzing every single feeding. It's just what I do...and its a whole new world for me to google. The LC says we should be doing 10 a side at each feeding, all of the books say a full feeding is at least 15 minutes (one says 15 a side, no way she'd ever do that). She typically does a 10 and then 2-3 minutes on the other one. So of course now I obsess that she isn't eating enough. I'm going to give the LC a call in a little bit....this is why people should never give me their home phone number ;) We're going in for a weight check tomorrow so that will put my mind at ease for a little bit. I tried to convince Mr H to let me buy a scale but no luck...aside from the fact that it is an outrageous idea, I would get even more obsessed.
Ok--still trying to finish the thank you notes from my shower that was now a full 4 weeks ago...see I have NO groove
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