And the award for being smarter than my dr goes to.....(drumroll please)....Leah!!!! The answer to my sitting in traffic woes is that I probably have an irritable uterus. The lovely Leah guessed it right 6 weeks ago! He said he wasn't worried since it's pretty much just isolated to when I'm sitting in traffic and that when we sit, the uterus tilts forward a little bit. Gave me the whole try to shift positions and rest talk. So Monday morning when the traffic reports say someone is taking a nap in her car, laying on her left side, in the middle of the Am.erican L.egion bridge, all you local ladies can think of me! If it continues or gets worse later in the pregnancy we'll talk about putting me on a modified work schedule. With no traffic I can be at work in 20 minutes, during rush hour it's at least double that (on a good day). Also said the cervix wasn't an issue. Apparently the tech did 3 measurements and the other 2 were all over 3, he thinks that one was just a funny angle or something. All in all I was told I was a model patient. He said the words I think every woman should hear from a medical professional, "Your weight gain is just perfect". LOVE it. Gained 4 pounds last month and am up 10 so far for the pregnancy. The basketball that is currently shoved underneath my rib cage really seems to be more than that though.
So I'm going to try to relax and enjoy the next few weeks. I'm at a point where I feel pretty good and can feel Q moving all day long. I know the uncomfortable times are approaching so I figure I should take advantage of feeling fairly good. Might venture to B.uy B.uy B.aby this weekend to start looking at things, we'll see. It still feels like tempting fate but I know it needs to be done. They say cribs and furniture can sometimes take over 12 weeks to arrive and I have no idea what I like or want yet. During my insomnia last night (been up since 2:30 this morning) I read Consu.mer Reports Baby Products and B.aby B.argains so I've got some starting point. All I really know is I don't want anything over the top and I'd like to be somewhat minimalistic about this...babies don't really need that much, especially in the beginning.
On a fun note I got a bonus yesterday! Most of it went to the massive credit card bill from our March vacation but I did splurge and get my hair cut and highlights at the good place last night. It's a mini spa and they walk around with chocolates, cheese, bottles of water. Mr H always laughs saying I pay over 200 for a bottle of water but since I only do it about once a year, I think it's fine. This way it'll look good next weekend for the wedding. We're going to an engagement party this weekend and since I'll look fancy, maybe I'll be brave and post a pic or two.
Hope everyone has a good weekend....and while you're here, go click over to Morissa and send her some good vibes while she waits for her beta
Showing posts with label p-word. Show all posts
Showing posts with label p-word. Show all posts
Friday, May 16, 2008
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
a real post for you all
Here you go, something real, as opposed to me just posting a news link and ranting for a few lines here and there. But before I do that, I have one more link I need to post. This post from our wonderful Mel...wow...talk about powerful...it's just perfect. I wish I could comment on it half as eloquently as she wrote it. I even forwarded it along to Mr H so he would hopefully understand a little bit of my funk. And he did, so a big thanks to Mel for that.
Still in and out of my funk. I've figured out my biggest trigger and am working to avoid it. Problem is, that trigger is my mother and she's pretty much obsessed with me and Q right now. I won't go into it all but here's a small sampling. Apparently, in early December, right as IUI #1 was failing and I was still drowning from the incredible mindfuck of the chemical pregnancy mess in November, she bought extra stocking holders and Baby's First Ch.ristmas ornaments. Why you ask....because she had faith in me and knew I could do it. I tried to rationally explain that none of this was about me, it as about science and drs and just how hurtful some of those comments were. And then of course, before my Level II ultrasound, I mentioned how nervous I was and all I really cared about was everything being ok. Of course she told me not to worry...because I wouldn't let anything bad happen to the baby. Which once again, puts any past and potential failures squarely on my shoulders. There's been more but I'll spare you the drama. I feel a little bad, since little by little I'm cutting her out of this pregnancy but I often end up in such a downward spiral after talking with her.
Other than my random funks, things are going fairly well. Very noticeable belly at this point and Mr H can feel Q most of the time. I've got an OB appointment tomorrow morning. Once again, I have a list of questions, a long list. Big things I want reassurance on are my cervix length (it was 2.8 at my u/s and from what I read, in a singleton while the minimum is 2.5 they like it 3 and over) and the fact that my uterus HATES traffic. I've got a 40-60 minute commute each way and I get 2-3 b.raxton h.icks each way. Aside from then, I hardly ever get them. And the other times makes sense...a hard kick, really full bladder, etc. I even stumped g.oogle. I've tried changing the lumbar thing, re-arranging my seat belt, seat angle...pretty much everything I can think of. Anyone else have this? It's very random and started getting bad about a week ago. Really makes me dread getting up and going to work. Today I decided to do some work from home and then go in around 10, since without traffic it's only a 20 minute drive.
I know I should have more to write about. Things have been crazy on all fronts. My brother's getting married next weekend. Very excited though that I bought a bridesmaids dress a few sizes too big and it worked! Seamstress is just going to take out the boning (no flat belly corset for me) and adjust some of the rouching on it. It looks great! And it is very nice to not be crash dieting before a wedding...first time I think!
No promises, but I'm going to try to be a better poster/commentor. I miss you all!
Still in and out of my funk. I've figured out my biggest trigger and am working to avoid it. Problem is, that trigger is my mother and she's pretty much obsessed with me and Q right now. I won't go into it all but here's a small sampling. Apparently, in early December, right as IUI #1 was failing and I was still drowning from the incredible mindfuck of the chemical pregnancy mess in November, she bought extra stocking holders and Baby's First Ch.ristmas ornaments. Why you ask....because she had faith in me and knew I could do it. I tried to rationally explain that none of this was about me, it as about science and drs and just how hurtful some of those comments were. And then of course, before my Level II ultrasound, I mentioned how nervous I was and all I really cared about was everything being ok. Of course she told me not to worry...because I wouldn't let anything bad happen to the baby. Which once again, puts any past and potential failures squarely on my shoulders. There's been more but I'll spare you the drama. I feel a little bad, since little by little I'm cutting her out of this pregnancy but I often end up in such a downward spiral after talking with her.
Other than my random funks, things are going fairly well. Very noticeable belly at this point and Mr H can feel Q most of the time. I've got an OB appointment tomorrow morning. Once again, I have a list of questions, a long list. Big things I want reassurance on are my cervix length (it was 2.8 at my u/s and from what I read, in a singleton while the minimum is 2.5 they like it 3 and over) and the fact that my uterus HATES traffic. I've got a 40-60 minute commute each way and I get 2-3 b.raxton h.icks each way. Aside from then, I hardly ever get them. And the other times makes sense...a hard kick, really full bladder, etc. I even stumped g.oogle. I've tried changing the lumbar thing, re-arranging my seat belt, seat angle...pretty much everything I can think of. Anyone else have this? It's very random and started getting bad about a week ago. Really makes me dread getting up and going to work. Today I decided to do some work from home and then go in around 10, since without traffic it's only a 20 minute drive.
I know I should have more to write about. Things have been crazy on all fronts. My brother's getting married next weekend. Very excited though that I bought a bridesmaids dress a few sizes too big and it worked! Seamstress is just going to take out the boning (no flat belly corset for me) and adjust some of the rouching on it. It looks great! And it is very nice to not be crash dieting before a wedding...first time I think!
No promises, but I'm going to try to be a better poster/commentor. I miss you all!
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Vegas baby
Warning: taking weeks off at a time from blogging results in some seriously long posts. Much apologies.
And the excitement continues. Tomorrow is our anniversary (3 years, I can't believe it). This weekend we're going to the Melting Pot. I've been wanting to go since Valentine's day. Tomorrow night we're not doing anything too special...a quick dinner at a local place we like, then some shopping since it's my mother's and brother's birthday coming up. But still fun...at some point I'll make him watch our video with me. And then I'll promise that by our 4th anniversary I'll get the wedding album done. At this point, what's the rush??
Vegas rocked and I need to figure out a way to fit more vacays into my life. To keep things orderly, I'll dish everything non p-word related first.
Ok, but first business. Read this post by Mel for how you can help the March of Dimes and her Team on the Road. Such an important cause that is so dear to all of our hearts. I actually saw billboards for the walk when I was out in Vegas, haven't heard too much press for it here so I was pleasantly surprised. Once you've done that, go read this post by Mel (she's been very busy lately) on how we can all pull together to help each other out. It's a fantastic idea, one that will help me out too, since I have a basement full of stuff I've been meaning to put on Craigslist or Ebay and have just been too darn lazy.
Whew...good to get work out of the way....now onto the fun. We did 4 days in Vegas for my spring break and had a blast. We've been before, always with a bunch of friends, and this time, I really didn't feel like dealing with the crowds of people coming home drunk at 4 am and listening to my neighbors have sex for all hours of the night. So the fantastic Mr H found us this place. Amazing. Non-smoking, non-gaming. And he called ahead and requested a high floor with a balcony room overlooking the strip.
It is attached to the MGM so you could be at the casino with 2 minutes on a moving walkway. But once you crossed over those doors it was like a whole separate world. They completely pampered you, with pool boys making smoothies, iced down towels for your eyes. And, one of my faves, all the free bottles of water you could want. As someone who always goes out and buys 2 big gallons for vacations, this was a huge perk. All I had to do was ask, and I received. Just lovely. Overall, it was a very civilized place. We did the usual; ate our way through the city, saw a great show, and just really relaxed. Didn't win any money, but came home with most of what we set aside to lose, so that isn't too bad.
We came home late Thursday night and that had 2 different sets of friends in town Friday and Saturday. Actually did the cherry blossoms saturday...completely crazy and made me glad that it rained the day of our wedding since I would have been one of the thousands of brides out there trying to get all the tourists out of our pictures. (funny aside, it poured, monsooned really, on our wedding day and SOOO many people told me to watch out, that's a sign of a fertile marriage...HA). Then Sunday night we went to opening night at the new Nationals stadium with my brother and his fiance. Beautiful park, such a nice night, and for all they talked about how bad getting there and home was going to be, it was a piece of cake. From leaving the stadium to pulling up to the house, we were under an hour (and I'm in the burbs). Definitely excited that baseball is back in DC for real now.
And the excitement continues. Tomorrow is our anniversary (3 years, I can't believe it). This weekend we're going to the Melting Pot. I've been wanting to go since Valentine's day. Tomorrow night we're not doing anything too special...a quick dinner at a local place we like, then some shopping since it's my mother's and brother's birthday coming up. But still fun...at some point I'll make him watch our video with me. And then I'll promise that by our 4th anniversary I'll get the wedding album done. At this point, what's the rush??
Ok, everything p-word that's been going on. I know it's been forever since I updated. Had my 15w appt before Easter, so disappointed when they brought me into the room sans u/s machine. But all was well. Doc found the heartbeat right away, unlike with my crapola doppler here and gave me my permission slip for a prenatal massage. Flight cross country wasn't bad. What sucked was that I lost the ability to adjust to time changes. I was a wreck the first two days there and even though we came back east Thursday, I'm still not all the way adjusted. The very exciting part was that I think I felt little Quentin (Q) when we were there. I was sitting by the pool for my day of rest (WAYYY overdid it the first 2 days and needed some serious pool time) with a very full stomach and bladder and felt these little quivers. Didn't happen again so I thought it was wishful thinking but now the last 3 nights, whenever I'm sitting quietly or laying down, I feel like something is tickling me inside. Feels very different from gas so I'm guessing it's Q, still not 100% though. It's more pronounced whenever I've got the full tummy/bladder going. Guess it squishes him/her a bit. I'm 16w3d so I know it's still a little early.
Ultrasound is scheduled for the Thursday the 24th. Mr H is out of town the week before and I really wanted it sooner. I thought of just scheduling it for then and telling him it was the only appointment I could get, but decided to be a good wife. Hopefully we'll know boy/girl but all I really want is too make sure all systems are go, organs in the right place, etc. Not sure what we'll call Quentin if she turns out to be a girl, I guess Q. Hmmm....don't think I told that story. For some crazy reason, my grandmother always thought Mr H's name was Quentin. He in no way looks like a Quentin (not sure what a Quentin looks like, just know not him). Now as she got on, she had some dementia, but even when she was mostly there, she still called him Quentin. Our wedding day, she called to wish me and Quentin congrats, the check inside the card....made out to Quentin H (thank goodness the credit union at his work knows him and worked it so we could cash it). At her funeral, we signed the guestbook Meghan and Quentin H for her. So when we were trying to think of something to call this little bean, I said I wanted something she could remember, so she'd pray for us....and of course, the answer to that was Quentin!
And lastly for your viewing pleasure, not quite a belly pic but a pic of me looking quite bloated/large in Vegas. Now I knew the boobs had grown some but holy bodacious ta-ta's! Seriously, they used to be maybe an A and a half. And there's a little belly in there, but it was right after the most delicious breakfast ever (I seriously ordered like this, "I'll have the beignets to start and the french toast"....for breakfast people! Who gets an app at breakfast?!?!) So that's what's in the belly there.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
whew...
We have a heartbeat! There was one little bean in there, measuring right on cue, 6 weeks 3 days. I can now breathe....at least for a few days. I don't think I have ever been as nervous or anxious before in my entire life. Our next ultrasound is Wed the 30th.
Ok, gotta run to work, just wanted to give you all a quick update. Thanks so much for all the hope and support. Once again, I am amazed and blessed to have met such an astounding group of women!
Ok, gotta run to work, just wanted to give you all a quick update. Thanks so much for all the hope and support. Once again, I am amazed and blessed to have met such an astounding group of women!
Sunday, January 20, 2008
ms. negative
**I am prefacing this but warning you all that this is going to be a very whiny and negative post...and I'm not really apologizing for it**
Before I tell you all about how my weekend went down, let me give you a little background on Mr H's brother and his wife. They just had their 2nd little girl a few months ago and are one of the most neurotic parents I have ever met in my entire life. You know the people...who act like no one else has ever raised a child before and make the biggest deal about everything and are crazy over-protective (my niece had to wear little knee pads when crawling...they didn't want to her scratch herself). Ok, so that is them. Now for the last few 5 weeks they have been trying to schedule the new baby's baby naming. Everyone gave the weekends they were available, yada, yada. Should be fairly easy, right? Now we were always planning on going up for this long weekend, driving up on Saturday so we could get a good night's sleep before not sleeping for days (my mother in laws house is the subject of a whole other post) but they told us a few weeks ago that this wouldn't be the weekend of the ceremony because none of the great grandparents could make it in.
On Tuesday, Mr H gets a call from his bro that the ceremony is on for this weekend, they don't care about the great-grandparents and just want to be done planning it. We need to be there at 8:45 Sat morning. So much for sleeping in. I arrange to be able to leave work a little early so we don't sit on the Jersey turnpike for too long and off we go.
As we get close, we give them a call. Usually when we drive in we'll pick up pizza and bring it to their house for dinner. Turns out my oldest niece is sick, so no dinner. After talking to them some more later, she has been sick for 3 weeks and her pediatrician said that I should in no way be around her, since they aren't sure exactly what this bug is. Fan-fucking-tastic. So we just drove 5 hours, re-arranged our schedules, and now I can't even see them. And they knew about this before planning the ceremony for this weekend.
So we don't sleep that night, get to temple right on time (no easy feat for someone who started experiencing morning sickness late last week) and are they there? No, of course not. Everyone is ready for them. The oldest is horribly sick and they can't get her out of the house, but refuse to leave her at home with someone, since they want her there for the ceremony. They finally show up, 35 minutes late, with the sickest looking child I have ever seen in my entire life. My heart just broke for her.
So we sit through the 3 hour service. I of course have to get up several times. Neither my bladder nor my stomach can go 3 hours right now. Head back to my sis-in-laws parents house for a little party. I am trying my best to steer clear of the sick niece with still getting some quality baby time with the new baby. We're there for about 3 hours and want to know the best part....there is no freaking food. A few things of biscotti and some cookies, that el-sicko decides to put her hands all over. I felt like I had the shakes by the time I was leaving, my little bag of snacks was only meant to get me through the service. Of course, we got in trouble for leaving early, but I really needed to eat (and yes, his brother and sis in law know about the IF and the pregnancy, so should have been slightly more understanding)
So another crappy nights sleep and we decided to head home today, instead of tomorrow. What's the point of being there if I can't even be in their house? Of course, no one understands why we're leaving early.
And for my last whiny note, while driving back home I got hit with a nasty cold. So that is pretty sucky.
I'm anxiously awaiting Tuesday's ultrasound. I go back and forth between feeling somewhat OK about it all, since I've got all-day sickness most of the time and being convinced that it is all phantom pains and all I'm going to see on Tuesday is an empty uterus--just like ever other ultrasound ever (I'm one of those people that never likes to see the screen during appointments, since it just looks empty). And then of course I get even madder at IF, since it took what should be a wonderfully exciting time for us and made me worry about every little thing.
I think I'm going to go to bed soon and sleep this all off. Thank goodness I have tomorrow off, I would not have been able to get up and go to work tomorrow.
(if you listened to my rantings for this long....thanks)
Before I tell you all about how my weekend went down, let me give you a little background on Mr H's brother and his wife. They just had their 2nd little girl a few months ago and are one of the most neurotic parents I have ever met in my entire life. You know the people...who act like no one else has ever raised a child before and make the biggest deal about everything and are crazy over-protective (my niece had to wear little knee pads when crawling...they didn't want to her scratch herself). Ok, so that is them. Now for the last few 5 weeks they have been trying to schedule the new baby's baby naming. Everyone gave the weekends they were available, yada, yada. Should be fairly easy, right? Now we were always planning on going up for this long weekend, driving up on Saturday so we could get a good night's sleep before not sleeping for days (my mother in laws house is the subject of a whole other post) but they told us a few weeks ago that this wouldn't be the weekend of the ceremony because none of the great grandparents could make it in.
On Tuesday, Mr H gets a call from his bro that the ceremony is on for this weekend, they don't care about the great-grandparents and just want to be done planning it. We need to be there at 8:45 Sat morning. So much for sleeping in. I arrange to be able to leave work a little early so we don't sit on the Jersey turnpike for too long and off we go.
As we get close, we give them a call. Usually when we drive in we'll pick up pizza and bring it to their house for dinner. Turns out my oldest niece is sick, so no dinner. After talking to them some more later, she has been sick for 3 weeks and her pediatrician said that I should in no way be around her, since they aren't sure exactly what this bug is. Fan-fucking-tastic. So we just drove 5 hours, re-arranged our schedules, and now I can't even see them. And they knew about this before planning the ceremony for this weekend.
So we don't sleep that night, get to temple right on time (no easy feat for someone who started experiencing morning sickness late last week) and are they there? No, of course not. Everyone is ready for them. The oldest is horribly sick and they can't get her out of the house, but refuse to leave her at home with someone, since they want her there for the ceremony. They finally show up, 35 minutes late, with the sickest looking child I have ever seen in my entire life. My heart just broke for her.
So we sit through the 3 hour service. I of course have to get up several times. Neither my bladder nor my stomach can go 3 hours right now. Head back to my sis-in-laws parents house for a little party. I am trying my best to steer clear of the sick niece with still getting some quality baby time with the new baby. We're there for about 3 hours and want to know the best part....there is no freaking food. A few things of biscotti and some cookies, that el-sicko decides to put her hands all over. I felt like I had the shakes by the time I was leaving, my little bag of snacks was only meant to get me through the service. Of course, we got in trouble for leaving early, but I really needed to eat (and yes, his brother and sis in law know about the IF and the pregnancy, so should have been slightly more understanding)
So another crappy nights sleep and we decided to head home today, instead of tomorrow. What's the point of being there if I can't even be in their house? Of course, no one understands why we're leaving early.
And for my last whiny note, while driving back home I got hit with a nasty cold. So that is pretty sucky.
I'm anxiously awaiting Tuesday's ultrasound. I go back and forth between feeling somewhat OK about it all, since I've got all-day sickness most of the time and being convinced that it is all phantom pains and all I'm going to see on Tuesday is an empty uterus--just like ever other ultrasound ever (I'm one of those people that never likes to see the screen during appointments, since it just looks empty). And then of course I get even madder at IF, since it took what should be a wonderfully exciting time for us and made me worry about every little thing.
I think I'm going to go to bed soon and sleep this all off. Thank goodness I have tomorrow off, I would not have been able to get up and go to work tomorrow.
(if you listened to my rantings for this long....thanks)
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Long time no blog
Sorry everyone. I've gone back and forth between not knowing what to say and not having the energy to type. Tons of thoughts running through my head though so this might be a long one!
- I caved and bought a book. And after not allowing it in the house for 2 days, I actually took it out of the car over the weekend. I realized late last week that I am really good at being infertile. I know alot about it. Ask me anything, if I don't know the answer, I'll be able to find it quickly. However, I know absolutely nothing about being pregnant (there, I said it). I'm afraid I am not going to be good at it. So I bought a book and proceeded to get annoyed with said book less than 1 chapter in because of this "We all know if takes 2 to conceive a baby but it takes a minimum of 3-mother, father, and...health care professional..." Really, took a few more than 3 people for me! So that book has been put down and I still know nothing.
- thank you for all of your help and suggestions about my blockage problems. With a careful diet of Kashi cereal for brekkie, prunes to snack on all day, and at least one other meal containing beans, I've gotten it under control. Gas, heartburn, and constant low grade nausea have stepped in. I'm not complaining though...in fact, I welcome every burp and stomach roll. Helps me make it to next Tuesday.
- I knew that newly p-word people are tired. I'm Ok with that because I love to sleep. What I did not expect was being drop dead exhausted...and not being able to sleep. I'm typically up for 2-3 hours each night, regardless of if I nap during the day, what time I go to bed, etc. Luckily, my boss sent me home today to take a nap and work the rest of the afternoon from home. (and look how I'm thanking her, by catching up on all your blogs and posting)
I swear I had a ton more posts in my head, but I have no idea where they went. Of course I'm convinced that they were my best thoughts yet...like when you forget to hit save and lose a paragraph of your paper. You re-write it, but you know what you originally had was SO much better than the drivel you're coming up with now. That's what this post is, drivel.
One week to ultrasound. We're heading up to Long Island this weekend for my niece's baby naming. So that's 3 days that will help me get my mind off it. We'll drive home Monday and then just one more sleep! I'm guessing we'll be stopping at every single rest stop between here and NY...my bladder has got a mind of its own lately.
Thanks again for the advice and support. I think I'd go crazy without all you ladies!
- I caved and bought a book. And after not allowing it in the house for 2 days, I actually took it out of the car over the weekend. I realized late last week that I am really good at being infertile. I know alot about it. Ask me anything, if I don't know the answer, I'll be able to find it quickly. However, I know absolutely nothing about being pregnant (there, I said it). I'm afraid I am not going to be good at it. So I bought a book and proceeded to get annoyed with said book less than 1 chapter in because of this "We all know if takes 2 to conceive a baby but it takes a minimum of 3-mother, father, and...health care professional..." Really, took a few more than 3 people for me! So that book has been put down and I still know nothing.
- thank you for all of your help and suggestions about my blockage problems. With a careful diet of Kashi cereal for brekkie, prunes to snack on all day, and at least one other meal containing beans, I've gotten it under control. Gas, heartburn, and constant low grade nausea have stepped in. I'm not complaining though...in fact, I welcome every burp and stomach roll. Helps me make it to next Tuesday.
- I knew that newly p-word people are tired. I'm Ok with that because I love to sleep. What I did not expect was being drop dead exhausted...and not being able to sleep. I'm typically up for 2-3 hours each night, regardless of if I nap during the day, what time I go to bed, etc. Luckily, my boss sent me home today to take a nap and work the rest of the afternoon from home. (and look how I'm thanking her, by catching up on all your blogs and posting)
I swear I had a ton more posts in my head, but I have no idea where they went. Of course I'm convinced that they were my best thoughts yet...like when you forget to hit save and lose a paragraph of your paper. You re-write it, but you know what you originally had was SO much better than the drivel you're coming up with now. That's what this post is, drivel.
One week to ultrasound. We're heading up to Long Island this weekend for my niece's baby naming. So that's 3 days that will help me get my mind off it. We'll drive home Monday and then just one more sleep! I'm guessing we'll be stopping at every single rest stop between here and NY...my bladder has got a mind of its own lately.
Thanks again for the advice and support. I think I'd go crazy without all you ladies!
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Lots of stuff
I haven't really posted alot this week because I really don't know what to say. This whole thing is surreal to me. I feel like I'm on an episode of P.unk'd or something. Any minute now I expect someone to jump out and tell me it's all a joke.
I'm slowly starting to accept the fact that right now, I'm the p-word. I know that doesn't translate into an actual baby but I'm going to try to be excited about it. All the old infertile thoughts are really hard to make go away. Take this morning for example, I called to schedule my u/s and my favorite receptionist answered the phone. I hadn't seen her the last time I was there and as soon as I said my name and what I was calling for, she got all excited, asked if I was p-word, and said congrats and how happy she was for me. Now this is not a story about how nice people at my clinic are, but rather, that all I could think about was the women in the waiting room and how that moment, while exciting for me since this is largely a secret, must have been torturous for them. I would have been miserable if, while sitting there waiting for my pre-dawn appointment with the dildocam, I heard that and would be posting about how insensitive they were, not how nice. Not sure what the whole point of that little story was...I guess just that I don't know how to think of myself.
I know how I'm feeling though and while I got some temporary relieve from the constipation, it came back rather quickly. I am so bloated from it all, and from all the water I'm drinking to help relieve it, that my pants barely fit. And this is disgusting but I'm farting constantly. I just can't stop myself, I hate it. It is cracking Mr H up though. Tuesday night I had a handful of the prunes and they did nothing. Last night, I ate about half the container and they worked their magic in the middle of the night. But now, right back to blockage. Makes me feel so sick. I might have to try the prune juice instead. Really not looking forward to that.
I scheduled my ultrasound for the Tuesday the 22nd. That is so far away. I could have made the appointment for that Monday instead but I really wanted my doctor to do it. And, in the alternate universe I'm now living in, would make me 6w3d, which gives us a decent shot of maybe seeing a heart beat. Not that I'm getting ahead of myself.
Thanks again for all the thoughts and good wishes. I've saved every single one, they make me cry
I'm slowly starting to accept the fact that right now, I'm the p-word. I know that doesn't translate into an actual baby but I'm going to try to be excited about it. All the old infertile thoughts are really hard to make go away. Take this morning for example, I called to schedule my u/s and my favorite receptionist answered the phone. I hadn't seen her the last time I was there and as soon as I said my name and what I was calling for, she got all excited, asked if I was p-word, and said congrats and how happy she was for me. Now this is not a story about how nice people at my clinic are, but rather, that all I could think about was the women in the waiting room and how that moment, while exciting for me since this is largely a secret, must have been torturous for them. I would have been miserable if, while sitting there waiting for my pre-dawn appointment with the dildocam, I heard that and would be posting about how insensitive they were, not how nice. Not sure what the whole point of that little story was...I guess just that I don't know how to think of myself.
I know how I'm feeling though and while I got some temporary relieve from the constipation, it came back rather quickly. I am so bloated from it all, and from all the water I'm drinking to help relieve it, that my pants barely fit. And this is disgusting but I'm farting constantly. I just can't stop myself, I hate it. It is cracking Mr H up though. Tuesday night I had a handful of the prunes and they did nothing. Last night, I ate about half the container and they worked their magic in the middle of the night. But now, right back to blockage. Makes me feel so sick. I might have to try the prune juice instead. Really not looking forward to that.
I scheduled my ultrasound for the Tuesday the 22nd. That is so far away. I could have made the appointment for that Monday instead but I really wanted my doctor to do it. And, in the alternate universe I'm now living in, would make me 6w3d, which gives us a decent shot of maybe seeing a heart beat. Not that I'm getting ahead of myself.
Thanks again for all the thoughts and good wishes. I've saved every single one, they make me cry
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
What not to wear
I've done this before. I should know better than to wear red undies. Every single time I went to the bathroom, my heart skipped a beat. I think I'm going to throw these out tonight.
Pretty sure I've got my first few symptoms. I am beyond constipated. I think we're almost at a week. And it's not pleasant. I bought myself a big ol bag of dried fruit and have been munching on it. Picking out the dried plums (what a nice euphemism) and making sure I eat those. I'm hoping it works some magic soon. I've also had horrible indigestion and heartburn the last two nights. Let me tell you, Indian was not a good choice. It made me bloated beyond belief. Not sure what to do about this one. I ate less for dinner tonight, hoping that helps.
Still having lots of cramps, which depending on my mood either make me feel better or worse. Lots of pains on my right side. Feels cyst-like. And since I had 3 follies on that side, I'm telling myself that's what it is.
Third beta is tomorrow morning. I'm not quite as nervous as I was last time, but I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't be checking my voicemail starting around 11-ish. Yes, I know full well they won't call until 2, but I'll still be checking just in case!
Sorry for the random collection of thoughts...that's the only way my mind can work right now
Pretty sure I've got my first few symptoms. I am beyond constipated. I think we're almost at a week. And it's not pleasant. I bought myself a big ol bag of dried fruit and have been munching on it. Picking out the dried plums (what a nice euphemism) and making sure I eat those. I'm hoping it works some magic soon. I've also had horrible indigestion and heartburn the last two nights. Let me tell you, Indian was not a good choice. It made me bloated beyond belief. Not sure what to do about this one. I ate less for dinner tonight, hoping that helps.
Still having lots of cramps, which depending on my mood either make me feel better or worse. Lots of pains on my right side. Feels cyst-like. And since I had 3 follies on that side, I'm telling myself that's what it is.
Third beta is tomorrow morning. I'm not quite as nervous as I was last time, but I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't be checking my voicemail starting around 11-ish. Yes, I know full well they won't call until 2, but I'll still be checking just in case!
Sorry for the random collection of thoughts...that's the only way my mind can work right now
Monday, January 7, 2008
Over the first hurdle
Beta was 425 for a doubling time of 45.52 hrs. Today is 16 dpiui. I do not know who I became this afternoon but I really don't like her. Even though I know full well they don't start making calls until 1:30 to 2-ish, I still started checking my voicemail around 11:30. And I didn't get ANY work done because I kept checking every 3-5 minutes.
So for now, I'm sitting back and am going to enjoy this moment. For now, there's something growing in there. If Wednesday also has a good number, I'll have to come up with a new name for this little embie. For now, we've been calling it the "Maybe Baby" but I don't think that inspires much confidence.
On to other things, I forgot to post earlier today about the great time I had out with the DC ladies. Sorry I didn't get to spend more time with all of you. Who knew there was a Cosi on both sides of Dupont Circle??? Certainly not me! But LJ and I had a great little chat by ourselves before running across the circle to meet everyone else! Next time I promise to pay closer attention to directions.
Thank you all again for the good wishes and support. Seeing you guys in my inbox all day long was fantastic....got me through the day
So for now, I'm sitting back and am going to enjoy this moment. For now, there's something growing in there. If Wednesday also has a good number, I'll have to come up with a new name for this little embie. For now, we've been calling it the "Maybe Baby" but I don't think that inspires much confidence.
On to other things, I forgot to post earlier today about the great time I had out with the DC ladies. Sorry I didn't get to spend more time with all of you. Who knew there was a Cosi on both sides of Dupont Circle??? Certainly not me! But LJ and I had a great little chat by ourselves before running across the circle to meet everyone else! Next time I promise to pay closer attention to directions.
Thank you all again for the good wishes and support. Seeing you guys in my inbox all day long was fantastic....got me through the day
No whammies
First, thank you for all of your words of encouragement and good wishes. I am so unbelievably blessed to have all of you ladies in my life.
This morning I feel like I'm in Las V.egas. All day I've been thinking "Big number, big number, no whammies, big number!" My fear is that just like in LV, the house always wins. Doesn't matter what game you're playing; injectibles, C.lomid, IUI, IVF...the IF Hotel and Casino has the edge.
I know this is a horribly negative way to think and I really do want to be excited and enjoy this moment but the truth is, I'm scared out of my mind. I go back and forth on if I'm having any symptoms. Definitely some cramping over the weekend, but for the most part that's gone. Other than that, most of the other symptoms can be blamed on the Pr.ometrium.
So nothing to do but wait...and keep thinking "big number, big number"!
This morning I feel like I'm in Las V.egas. All day I've been thinking "Big number, big number, no whammies, big number!" My fear is that just like in LV, the house always wins. Doesn't matter what game you're playing; injectibles, C.lomid, IUI, IVF...the IF Hotel and Casino has the edge.
I know this is a horribly negative way to think and I really do want to be excited and enjoy this moment but the truth is, I'm scared out of my mind. I go back and forth on if I'm having any symptoms. Definitely some cramping over the weekend, but for the most part that's gone. Other than that, most of the other symptoms can be blamed on the Pr.ometrium.
So nothing to do but wait...and keep thinking "big number, big number"!
Friday, January 4, 2008
142!!!!!!!!!!
I was hoping for something over 50, since it's still really early. Betabase has the average hCG for 13 dpiui as 36. But 142! That far exceeded my expectations. I have my follow ups on Monday and Wednesday. It's going to be a looong weekend, those pee sticks aren't going to know what hit'em! Well, they will, I just have a feeling I'm going to be grabbing one every time I go to the bathroom.
I had prepared myself for a lower number and had convinced myself that I wasn't going to get as caught up in everything as I did last time but the nurse's message was SO different. Last time she said things like, "well, it's officially positive" and "come back in 2 days, we need to ride this out." This time first thing she said "I have good news", said congrats 3 times, and that it was a nice high number given that I was testing early. Since she's a medical professional, she's got me all excited. I recognize that I only believe her when she says things I want to hear. That I'm like the woman with the cheating husband, ignoring the lipstick and being gone all hours and just focusing on the fact that he bought me some grocery store flowers.
I really need to protect myself. I know this isn't a sure thing. Neither one of us has mentioned the p-word yet. I remember back when we were first trying and every single cycle I would figure out my due date with those online calculators. I'd think of the season, what type of clothes I'd be wearing, would it be really hot, would I have to worry about slipping on ice? I thought all of these things monthly, and always got my heart broken. Still haven't gone to any of those sites and done that, I almost don't want to know. First, it would be admitting it and second, it would make it far too real. Don't get me wrong, I'm absolutely giddy with excitement, but I'm trying to do the cautious optimism thing.
I had prepared myself for a lower number and had convinced myself that I wasn't going to get as caught up in everything as I did last time but the nurse's message was SO different. Last time she said things like, "well, it's officially positive" and "come back in 2 days, we need to ride this out." This time first thing she said "I have good news", said congrats 3 times, and that it was a nice high number given that I was testing early. Since she's a medical professional, she's got me all excited. I recognize that I only believe her when she says things I want to hear. That I'm like the woman with the cheating husband, ignoring the lipstick and being gone all hours and just focusing on the fact that he bought me some grocery store flowers.
I really need to protect myself. I know this isn't a sure thing. Neither one of us has mentioned the p-word yet. I remember back when we were first trying and every single cycle I would figure out my due date with those online calculators. I'd think of the season, what type of clothes I'd be wearing, would it be really hot, would I have to worry about slipping on ice? I thought all of these things monthly, and always got my heart broken. Still haven't gone to any of those sites and done that, I almost don't want to know. First, it would be admitting it and second, it would make it far too real. Don't get me wrong, I'm absolutely giddy with excitement, but I'm trying to do the cautious optimism thing.
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