I'm very anti-spoiler when it comes to tv shows. I never even watch the "next week on..." I like to be surprised and see how the story is supposed to come out. I NEVER watch any type of spoiler. I know, I'm one of the very few. So I was completely blindsided while watching B.rothers and Sisters while answering the door for all the trick-er-treaters. Nothing freaks out a parent more than a crazy lady in a pumpkin shirt with mascara running down her face holding a bowl of B.utterfingers in one hand and a glass of red wine in the other. We're now "that house". And like an idiot, I kept watching the entire show, knowing full well it was going to make me continue to cry.
And the red witch didn't come out for Halloween. I need to call my nurse tomorrow. Exactly 2 weeks ago my progesterone was 4.62 so I should have gotten my period by now. And yes, I did POAS and it was blinding white. I am so freakin ready to get on with this, it is all I think about and is SOOOO not healthy.
There's the door...I think it might be time to turn out all the lights and finish this candy off myself
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Song of the....whenever I feel like it
I completely dropped the ball on this. At first I was upset but then I realized that something I do for fun on my blog should not add any more stress into my life. From there I decided to do a SOTW post whenever the mood struck me.
This yet another Ellis song. I know, it's a little ridiculous that so many of the songs I've picked have been by him but....that's why he's my fave. This song came across my Ip.od driving home from work tonight. It was playing as I was thinking about my answer to some of the book tour questions, namely, am I paying attention to what I need to be paying attention to? It is something I've really been struggling with, especially as I get deeper and deeper into this IF craziness.
Live in the Now from the album Carnival of Voices
I've got a farm house,
It's a big white farmhouse
And forty acres in my head
You got a kitchen,
It's an oak floor kitchen
And a big brass feather bed
And there in the parlor,
An old upright piano
And a precocious blue-eyed kid
Playing the keys
Playing the keys
Live in the now
A room with a view of Cambridge
Live in the now
Traffic, noise, and neighborhood kids
We're sitting in the kitchen
You reach cross the table
And put a finger on my wrinkled brow
You say, "Live in the now,
Live in the now"
'Cause life is what happens
When you're busy making plans
That's what John Lennon said
Then he quit the fuckin' band
Tell me which part
Is it the castle, or the sand
That you miss when the tide comes along?
I'm alone on a highway
Only silos break the view
A field of sunflowers
A scarecrow paying dues
And I think to myself
"Man, that's not what I'd choose "
But here I am, and look where I've gone
All for the song
Till the tide comes along
Live in the now
An audience is waiting
Live in the now
Whose day are you creating?
I slip into to the hotel
I put the phone on a pillow
Your voice makes it better somehow
You say, "Live in the now"
"Live in the now"
Two lines in this really get to me: "Whose day are you creating?" and "I think to myself, man that's not what I'd chose, but hear I am". "Whose day are you creating" I certainly wish I knew. Because a lot of the time, it's not often a day I want to be a part of. I need to make sure I'm paying attention to the things that matter to me and that make my day. I feel like I end up in that latter situation FAR too often. Things aren't how I want, but here I am, gotta go with the flow.
I don't know if I've been paying attention to the right things but from here on out, I'm going to Live in the Now
This yet another Ellis song. I know, it's a little ridiculous that so many of the songs I've picked have been by him but....that's why he's my fave. This song came across my Ip.od driving home from work tonight. It was playing as I was thinking about my answer to some of the book tour questions, namely, am I paying attention to what I need to be paying attention to? It is something I've really been struggling with, especially as I get deeper and deeper into this IF craziness.
Live in the Now from the album Carnival of Voices
I've got a farm house,
It's a big white farmhouse
And forty acres in my head
You got a kitchen,
It's an oak floor kitchen
And a big brass feather bed
And there in the parlor,
An old upright piano
And a precocious blue-eyed kid
Playing the keys
Playing the keys
Live in the now
A room with a view of Cambridge
Live in the now
Traffic, noise, and neighborhood kids
We're sitting in the kitchen
You reach cross the table
And put a finger on my wrinkled brow
You say, "Live in the now,
Live in the now"
'Cause life is what happens
When you're busy making plans
That's what John Lennon said
Then he quit the fuckin' band
Tell me which part
Is it the castle, or the sand
That you miss when the tide comes along?
I'm alone on a highway
Only silos break the view
A field of sunflowers
A scarecrow paying dues
And I think to myself
"Man, that's not what I'd choose "
But here I am, and look where I've gone
All for the song
Till the tide comes along
Live in the now
An audience is waiting
Live in the now
Whose day are you creating?
I slip into to the hotel
I put the phone on a pillow
Your voice makes it better somehow
You say, "Live in the now"
"Live in the now"
Two lines in this really get to me: "Whose day are you creating?" and "I think to myself, man that's not what I'd chose, but hear I am". "Whose day are you creating" I certainly wish I knew. Because a lot of the time, it's not often a day I want to be a part of. I need to make sure I'm paying attention to the things that matter to me and that make my day. I feel like I end up in that latter situation FAR too often. Things aren't how I want, but here I am, gotta go with the flow.
I don't know if I've been paying attention to the right things but from here on out, I'm going to Live in the Now
thanks!
Thanks so much for all the offers to join the pity party. I wish I could have everyone over for some yummy apps and a few bottles ;)
Nothing new to update. The witch is still playing hide and seek, I'm hoping she'll come out tomorrow in honor of Halloween. Insurance should be re-upped by Thursday. So if she does show tomorrow, I'll be able to get CD 3 testing Friday without having to pay and try to get reimbursed.
Had a crappy day at work, had to call protective services again for one particular family. The whole situation is just horrible and I hate knowing that there is nothing more I can do for them. Sometimes working in special ed really takes too much out of me. Right now I'd love nothing more than to just answer phones all day long for someone pseudo-important than be dealing with really-real real life problems. Plus I'm now the supervisor of someone who has been over me for the last few years and the transition has not gone well. I need to have a laying down some rules meeting with her and I'm dreading it.
Oh and last little thing, anyone know how I can change the date when I post something that's been in my archives for awhile? I usually just cut and paste it into a new post but that's a real PITA and I know there has to be a better way. As usual, I'm in need of some tech support. Thanks in advance
Nothing new to update. The witch is still playing hide and seek, I'm hoping she'll come out tomorrow in honor of Halloween. Insurance should be re-upped by Thursday. So if she does show tomorrow, I'll be able to get CD 3 testing Friday without having to pay and try to get reimbursed.
Had a crappy day at work, had to call protective services again for one particular family. The whole situation is just horrible and I hate knowing that there is nothing more I can do for them. Sometimes working in special ed really takes too much out of me. Right now I'd love nothing more than to just answer phones all day long for someone pseudo-important than be dealing with really-real real life problems. Plus I'm now the supervisor of someone who has been over me for the last few years and the transition has not gone well. I need to have a laying down some rules meeting with her and I'm dreading it.
Oh and last little thing, anyone know how I can change the date when I post something that's been in my archives for awhile? I usually just cut and paste it into a new post but that's a real PITA and I know there has to be a better way. As usual, I'm in need of some tech support. Thanks in advance
Barren Bitches Book Brigade-updated
As promised, here's that last question
First off, the business:
Hop along to another stop on this blog tour by visiting the main list at http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/. You can also sign up for the next book on this online book club: The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood.
5. At the very close of the book, having discovered her balanced translocation, Elinor likens herself to a screwed up silverware drawer. "Yet there's solace in discovering something is tangibly wrong. A diagnosis rather than you're old" Have you ever felt like this? Do you have a diagnosis for your fertility problems? Was it a relief? If your problem is unidentified, or age is against you, do you wish that you did have a reason?
I've been upset more than once with our 'unexplained' diagnosis. In fact, I've raged, cried, and screamed about it and have spent more time on G.oogle than any one person should. I want there to be a problem I can fix (and yes, I realize that is a little greedy since many problems can't be fixed). At a minimum, I want a better starting point than what we've got right now. I think we (and I mean the collective we, all of us) all deserve a better starting point. So yes, I would probably feel some solace if we ever get a diagnosis. That's not to say I won't get upset about that diagnosis too, but I'm pretty sure I will breathe a great big sigh of relief to get a diagnosis and a better game plan.
6. I feel like the author was trying to show all sides of these complicated relationships, wanting you to sympathize with Elinor, Ted, Gina and Toby. Did you find yourself able to sympathize, or at least not dislike, all of these characters?
I was very conflicted about my thoughts on all of the characters. Surprisingly, I had the hardest time with my relationship with Elinor. I thought I would immediately sympathize with her. Instead, after reading her thoughts and nodding my head in agreement, I read Ted's point of view, and agreed with him too. It was like looking at myself from a distance and not always liking what I saw. And then Gina. I was dead set on hating her and did until Toby came into the picture. I'll admit, I still don't have too much sympathy for anyone who knowingly sleeps with a married man but I did feel bad for her. She tried so hard with Toby. Same with Ted. I really didn't want to like him and I know that there is no excuse for cheating but again, I did feel for him. Just makes you realize how complicated everything is.
7. Elinor's thought on page 47 really struck me: "When Elinor was paying attention to her career, she should have been paying attention to her biological clock. When she was paying attention to her biological clock, she should have been paying attention to her husband." It made me wonder: Am I paying attention now to the things I should be paying attention to now? Are you?
I read that line over and over too. It really hit home with me. I think about this ALL the time. I'm constantly worried that I'm missing something else because I'm so pre-occupied with all this IF crap. My brother is getting married in a few months and I'm so afraid that I'm not being there for him like he was for me (he was my Man of Honor...that's how awesome a bro he is!!). And then on the way home from work today, a song on my ip.od, "Live in the Now" came on...I know that is something I need to start doing more of, just still working on how
First off, the business:
Hop along to another stop on this blog tour by visiting the main list at http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/. You can also sign up for the next book on this online book club: The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood.
5. At the very close of the book, having discovered her balanced translocation, Elinor likens herself to a screwed up silverware drawer. "Yet there's solace in discovering something is tangibly wrong. A diagnosis rather than you're old" Have you ever felt like this? Do you have a diagnosis for your fertility problems? Was it a relief? If your problem is unidentified, or age is against you, do you wish that you did have a reason?
I've been upset more than once with our 'unexplained' diagnosis. In fact, I've raged, cried, and screamed about it and have spent more time on G.oogle than any one person should. I want there to be a problem I can fix (and yes, I realize that is a little greedy since many problems can't be fixed). At a minimum, I want a better starting point than what we've got right now. I think we (and I mean the collective we, all of us) all deserve a better starting point. So yes, I would probably feel some solace if we ever get a diagnosis. That's not to say I won't get upset about that diagnosis too, but I'm pretty sure I will breathe a great big sigh of relief to get a diagnosis and a better game plan.
6. I feel like the author was trying to show all sides of these complicated relationships, wanting you to sympathize with Elinor, Ted, Gina and Toby. Did you find yourself able to sympathize, or at least not dislike, all of these characters?
I was very conflicted about my thoughts on all of the characters. Surprisingly, I had the hardest time with my relationship with Elinor. I thought I would immediately sympathize with her. Instead, after reading her thoughts and nodding my head in agreement, I read Ted's point of view, and agreed with him too. It was like looking at myself from a distance and not always liking what I saw. And then Gina. I was dead set on hating her and did until Toby came into the picture. I'll admit, I still don't have too much sympathy for anyone who knowingly sleeps with a married man but I did feel bad for her. She tried so hard with Toby. Same with Ted. I really didn't want to like him and I know that there is no excuse for cheating but again, I did feel for him. Just makes you realize how complicated everything is.
7. Elinor's thought on page 47 really struck me: "When Elinor was paying attention to her career, she should have been paying attention to her biological clock. When she was paying attention to her biological clock, she should have been paying attention to her husband." It made me wonder: Am I paying attention now to the things I should be paying attention to now? Are you?
I read that line over and over too. It really hit home with me. I think about this ALL the time. I'm constantly worried that I'm missing something else because I'm so pre-occupied with all this IF crap. My brother is getting married in a few months and I'm so afraid that I'm not being there for him like he was for me (he was my Man of Honor...that's how awesome a bro he is!!). And then on the way home from work today, a song on my ip.od, "Live in the Now" came on...I know that is something I need to start doing more of, just still working on how
Monday, October 29, 2007
Another milestone
Happy Monday!
Today marks CD 58. Unless AF shows up in the next few hours this is officially my longest cycle ever. I think that deserves some recognition so I'll be having a pity party for myself tonight complete with comfort food (either mac and cheese or chinese, still deciding), copious amounts of red wine, and my DVR. I can not wait!
Hopefully the end is in sight. I'm still spotting and have those double over in pain cramps. My pre-authorization for this IUI ends on the 31st though. And in August when it got approved that seemed like light years away. I just remembered this morning so hopefully our financial person can get it re-upped before CD 3 rolls around (see me all being hopeful and optimistic).
Today marks CD 58. Unless AF shows up in the next few hours this is officially my longest cycle ever. I think that deserves some recognition so I'll be having a pity party for myself tonight complete with comfort food (either mac and cheese or chinese, still deciding), copious amounts of red wine, and my DVR. I can not wait!
Hopefully the end is in sight. I'm still spotting and have those double over in pain cramps. My pre-authorization for this IUI ends on the 31st though. And in August when it got approved that seemed like light years away. I just remembered this morning so hopefully our financial person can get it re-upped before CD 3 rolls around (see me all being hopeful and optimistic).
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Random sporting events...
I knew you ladies would be the only ones to cheer on my spotting ;) I'm now anxiously awaiting full on AF. Based on my cramping and general PMS-iness, I'm thinking Monday or Tuesday. But at this point, I know better than to make any timelines.
Had a great weekend up in NY, managed to see some friends I've haven't seen since my birthday. And the drive back down today wasn't half as bad as we thought it would be with all the rain.
Now onto my new biggest problem...the Sox game. Usually I can make it up for a Sat night World Series game but now tomorrow morning I've got to get up really early for some marathon watching. Those of you who didn't know that marathons were a spectator sport have never met my family (and at this point, you might be glad about that) My dad has run marathons for as long as I can remember, all of the neighborhood kids used to make a parade for him after his marathons and triathlons. When we lived up in Mass, the B.oston Marathon started in our hometown. So we'd always go the the start, which was a blast, then head home and race down the Mass Pike and watch from Ke.nnmore Square. In high school, I would jump in and pace my dad the last few miles. And then of course we'd always be at the finish. The M.arine Corp marathon is a spectator's dream. It snakes around the city and there are so many places to watch the runners. I think we'll be able to see my brother and his fiance at 4 different spots along the course. So I've got a big day tomorrow, I can't be up all night watching the game. (oh...this just in, a 6 run 3rd for the Sox, I think I can sleep easy tonight)
Alright, I haven't been able to check in with anyone all weekend, I'll spend tomorrow night with my b.loglines and writing up my book tour questions. Enjoy the rest of the weekend everyone!
Had a great weekend up in NY, managed to see some friends I've haven't seen since my birthday. And the drive back down today wasn't half as bad as we thought it would be with all the rain.
Now onto my new biggest problem...the Sox game. Usually I can make it up for a Sat night World Series game but now tomorrow morning I've got to get up really early for some marathon watching. Those of you who didn't know that marathons were a spectator sport have never met my family (and at this point, you might be glad about that) My dad has run marathons for as long as I can remember, all of the neighborhood kids used to make a parade for him after his marathons and triathlons. When we lived up in Mass, the B.oston Marathon started in our hometown. So we'd always go the the start, which was a blast, then head home and race down the Mass Pike and watch from Ke.nnmore Square. In high school, I would jump in and pace my dad the last few miles. And then of course we'd always be at the finish. The M.arine Corp marathon is a spectator's dream. It snakes around the city and there are so many places to watch the runners. I think we'll be able to see my brother and his fiance at 4 different spots along the course. So I've got a big day tomorrow, I can't be up all night watching the game. (oh...this just in, a 6 run 3rd for the Sox, I think I can sleep easy tonight)
Alright, I haven't been able to check in with anyone all weekend, I'll spend tomorrow night with my b.loglines and writing up my book tour questions. Enjoy the rest of the weekend everyone!
Friday, October 26, 2007
It's about time
CD 55 and I've finally started spotting. I guess that means the drs office was right last week. Today marks the first time I have come out of a bathroom cheering because I was spotting! (and probably also marks the last). I usually have anywhere from 5-7 days of spotting before AF shows but at least I know things are moving in the right direction.
This couldn't have come at a more perfect time either. We drove up to NY to see our new niece yesterday. I spent some quality time with her and told her she needed to be my good luck charm. So far she's doing her job. We took our other niece out for some quality time with Aunt Meghan and Uncle Adam for lunch. She's got to be the most adorable 2 year old. And boy can that kid scarf down the pizza, she's definitely part of my husband's family!! I've been holding up surprisingly well. Yes, I do want a family, but I don't want their family...if that makes any sense. And now that Spot has shown up, I know I'll make it through the next few days just fine.
We're driving back to DC Saturday night to watch my brother and his fiance run the Marine Corps Marathon Sunday. Think good thoughts for them, no rain and not too hot!
This couldn't have come at a more perfect time either. We drove up to NY to see our new niece yesterday. I spent some quality time with her and told her she needed to be my good luck charm. So far she's doing her job. We took our other niece out for some quality time with Aunt Meghan and Uncle Adam for lunch. She's got to be the most adorable 2 year old. And boy can that kid scarf down the pizza, she's definitely part of my husband's family!! I've been holding up surprisingly well. Yes, I do want a family, but I don't want their family...if that makes any sense. And now that Spot has shown up, I know I'll make it through the next few days just fine.
We're driving back to DC Saturday night to watch my brother and his fiance run the Marine Corps Marathon Sunday. Think good thoughts for them, no rain and not too hot!
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