Some people will never get it

Let me start by saying that so far I've had no complaints about anyone at my clinic. I know alot of people who say they've felt like a number there but my nurse has been great and my dr emails me back within hours of my asking him a question. My nurse doesn't work on Thursdays so I had a different one. And just to recap, I'm on CD 47, no spotting or anything and I'm ready to start this IUI. So I had a blood test this morning to make sure I could take P.rovera

This is the message the nurse left on my voicemail today. I was floored by it...but maybe I'm super sensitive.
" Good news and bad news Meghan. Bad news is you can't take the P.rovera..."

Now what would you be thinking?? I'm thinking "Holy crap, we actually did it! How should I tell Mr H?...Oh my f-ing God, we actually did it! Holy shit!!!"

Next words out of the nurses mouth...

" Good news now! Seems like you ovulated, you should expect your period within the next 2 weeks, since your progesterone is really low"

Now isn't that just cruel?? And may I also mention that this nurse is pregnant? So now I'm back to sitting and waiting. I suck at sitting and waiting.

so not a morning person

I got up nice and early this morning so I'd be ready to head out as soon as the contractor came so I could go to the clinic to get that blood test and prescription and still make it to work on time. I couldn't be late today. Of course he was 45 minutes late getting to the house. All dressed up and nowhere to go.

So I rescheduled for tomorrow and it's Mr H's morning to wait for the contractor. At this point I know one more day doesn't matter, I was just excited to finally be moving forward. I know I am still moving in the right direction, I'm just taking smaller steps than I would have liked. I'm a fast walker with long legs...I'm used to leaps and bounds and people not being able to keep up with me. These slow baby steps take some getting used to.

busy busy

Whew, I've got a lot to say. I couldn't get on at all yesterday for some reason so this is going to be a long post....and I've got lots of comments to leave!

I had a bit of a meltdown over the weekend. Saturday was fine, we worked on the kitchen all day. Purging our pantry was eye opening. Nothing like throwing out unopened cans and packets that expired in 03 to make you re-think your grocery shopping and waste. Even more eye opening is that we moved here in Nov 04, which means we moved already expired stuff...a little embarrassing.

Sunday. I was SO excited for Sunday. We were going to take the Jeep out and go apple picking with my brother and his fiancee. Then over to my parents for an apple themed dinner. It was a beautiful weekend and I couldn't wait to get outside. Then Mr H's brother called to tell us that we've got a new niece! Now I've known my sister-in-law was pregnant for months now. In fact, I figured it out long before she told people. I thought I was fine with it. I could not have been more wrong. I literally broke as soon as Mr H went out to run an errand. I had one of those crying in the shower moments (which I do all the time). But this time I stayed in there sobbing long past the hot water left the water heater. Nothing says unstable like standing in an ice cold shower crying. Then, since I was cold, I got in my bathrobe, got under the covers, and stayed there for the next 5 hours or so. That is when I realized I needed to get a grip. I'm looking into our insurance to see what our coverage is for a therapist. And a big thanks to the DC ladies for all of the recs.

I pretty much figured the bulk of it out. When I first found out my SIL was pregnant last March, I had just had my initial testing with my gyno and I was confident that I'd be pregnant soon. And I'd be very pregnant by the time the baby was born. The cousins would be close in age and all would be well. As time went on, I decided that at the very least I'd be pregnant by October. And then as more time went on, I decided that at least I'd have started treatment and my IUI by the time the baby was born.

But of course none of this would work out. I put so much pressure on my last natural cycle and that of course I would have an annovulatory cycle. It's CD 45 and nothing. I thought I managed to O but it seems not. I hate that it was my last chance and I didn't work. Not that it didn't work...but that I didn't work. Feels like I have a cyst and I just know that I'm going to have to sit out October too. I know that we can't plan any of this but I really had it in my head that I'd be getting inseminated right about now.

So that was my weekend. Monday sucked too. Today is looking better. I called my nurse and emailed my doctor and they're going to give me Pr.overa to jump-start my period. Just need to go in for a beta tomorrow (HA--almost a dozen pee sticks can't be wrong). I haven't taken Pr.overa yet...any word on what to expect??

Thanks for reading if you made it this far. In other news, our kitchen is coming together. Floors and cabinets are in and it looks like they'll be finished on Thursday which means he'll do the breakfast bar on Friday!!! I will most definitely be posting some pics for everyone, I'm so excited about it. Oh, and we've decided to come out to a select group of people, our inner circle if you will. And I'm setting up a different blog with updates for everyone so I don't have to deal with talking to people when I don't want to.

Off to catch up and comment...

Happy weekend!

We've got our friend's Jeep Wrangler for the next 2 weeks while they're on their honeymoon so we're thinking of taking a drive out to Shenandoah or maybe apple picking somewhere. I've been wanting to apple pick for awhile now but it hasn't felt like fall yet. I'm so excited for the weather. Need to take advantage of having a car without a roof!

Then on Sunday it's time to box up the kitchen, not looking forward to that. Plus, I realized that since I haven't been able to start this cycle, all of my meds are still in the fridge so it has to stay plugged in. I know they don't expire for 30 days at room temperature but I don't want to risk anything. They need to stay as strong and potent as scientifically possible.

If you see someone in a green Jeep stalling her way through Northern VA, say hi, it's been about 3 years since I've driven a stick!

Hope everyone else has a good weekend too!

I am the decider!

I am usually the worst at making any decision. It can seriously take me 20 minutes to get dressed in the morning if I don't have everything planned out already. And Mr H is just as bad. Put us together and it's trouble.

We had our hot date at Home Depot last night (married life is exciting, huh) to pick out everything for the kitchen and I was dreading it. We had to get a faucet, pick out tile, grout, cabinet hardware, and paint. The only easy thing was going to be the garbage disposal, since we were going for the cheapest one. I figured we would be there for hours on end. Instead we were spot on with our decisions. We have never worked this fast or this well on anything. Tile took 15 minutes and paint only about 20. And, to top it all off, we both really like everything we picked out.

In a weird way, I credit the IF for this. We are so much better at communicating and prioritizing now than we were a few months ago. And we both recognize that these are not the most important decisions we're going to be making any time soon. Putting it all into perspective really helped. Mr H was stressing about the paint and then we both realized that if we don't like it, it's paint....we'll just re-do it. Paint was not something that should be causing any extra stress in our lives right now.

So hopefully we weren't too relaxed in our decision making. The demo of the old kitchen starts Monday so lots to do this weekend. And we're still hoping that he'll finish up early and have time to do the breakfast bar, there's no guarantee...but I will offer him to pick him up dinner if he's staying ;)

And thanks for the kind words for my cousin. Everything we've gone through with IF has really helped me deal with that. After her email I gave her a call and just said I'm so sorry, this must be so hard for you, please know that I'm here if you need anything. She called me back the next day and said I was the only person that didn't offer her stupid advice (we can all relate to that), a stupid comment about how much better being single will be (hmm...similar to those enjoy sleeping through the night comments) or their own sob story. Pretty sad that most people just don't know how to react to bad news.

Guess if you look hard enough you can find a silver lining in just about anything.

sad news

Just found out my cousin is separating from her husband. They had been in counseling for awhile now but I guess it just wasn't going to work. They have a four year old little girl. It's really weird to now start seeing friends and family go through this. I feel so bad for all of them, it's just so hard.

sometimes being a grown up really sucks...

please keep them in your thoughts

Made it

Thanks so much for all your kind words. It really helps to know that other people have been in the same situations, felt the same things, and came out the other side.

While I didn't find a strength store, I did make it through the weekend. I had a great time at the wedding. There were alot of people there that I hadn't seen in forever plus my brother and his fiancee (who knows about everything) were there. She was a huge help, helping to steer some conversations away so I didn't have another bathroom meltdown. Which is good because there was only 1 bathroom and there was always a line 3-4 deep. So glad I could keep it together.

On the 2ww front, still nothing. I've now gone through my dollar store stash for the IUI. I'm going to try to not go buy anymore for a few days. I'm hoping it'll save my sanity. Rationally I know that since I didn't chart or anything that I may not have O'd when I thought I did and that I am not one of those girls who gets pregnant just because she set something up with an RE and bought meds. That just does not happen. Irrationally though, I like to think that I am that 1% that is going to get pregnant without medical interventions AND of that 1%, I'm part of the smaller %age that doesn't get a + HPT. Crazy, I know. So I hereby am vowing to stop POAS for at least the rest of this week. I called my nurse and she said they would not induce AF until I went as long as my longest cycle, which is 58 days. So I'm going to wait...and try to wait patiently.

Oh and before you all leave, please go with LJ good luck on her transfer this afternoon!!