Wednesday, May 14, 2008

a real post for you all

Here you go, something real, as opposed to me just posting a news link and ranting for a few lines here and there. But before I do that, I have one more link I need to post. This post from our wonderful about's just perfect. I wish I could comment on it half as eloquently as she wrote it. I even forwarded it along to Mr H so he would hopefully understand a little bit of my funk. And he did, so a big thanks to Mel for that.

Still in and out of my funk. I've figured out my biggest trigger and am working to avoid it. Problem is, that trigger is my mother and she's pretty much obsessed with me and Q right now. I won't go into it all but here's a small sampling. Apparently, in early December, right as IUI #1 was failing and I was still drowning from the incredible mindfuck of the chemical pregnancy mess in November, she bought extra stocking holders and Baby's First Ch.ristmas ornaments. Why you ask....because she had faith in me and knew I could do it. I tried to rationally explain that none of this was about me, it as about science and drs and just how hurtful some of those comments were. And then of course, before my Level II ultrasound, I mentioned how nervous I was and all I really cared about was everything being ok. Of course she told me not to worry...because I wouldn't let anything bad happen to the baby. Which once again, puts any past and potential failures squarely on my shoulders. There's been more but I'll spare you the drama. I feel a little bad, since little by little I'm cutting her out of this pregnancy but I often end up in such a downward spiral after talking with her.

Other than my random funks, things are going fairly well. Very noticeable belly at this point and Mr H can feel Q most of the time. I've got an OB appointment tomorrow morning. Once again, I have a list of questions, a long list. Big things I want reassurance on are my cervix length (it was 2.8 at my u/s and from what I read, in a singleton while the minimum is 2.5 they like it 3 and over) and the fact that my uterus HATES traffic. I've got a 40-60 minute commute each way and I get 2-3 b.raxton h.icks each way. Aside from then, I hardly ever get them. And the other times makes sense...a hard kick, really full bladder, etc. I even stumped g.oogle. I've tried changing the lumbar thing, re-arranging my seat belt, seat angle...pretty much everything I can think of. Anyone else have this? It's very random and started getting bad about a week ago. Really makes me dread getting up and going to work. Today I decided to do some work from home and then go in around 10, since without traffic it's only a 20 minute drive.

I know I should have more to write about. Things have been crazy on all fronts. My brother's getting married next weekend. Very excited though that I bought a bridesmaids dress a few sizes too big and it worked! Seamstress is just going to take out the boning (no flat belly corset for me) and adjust some of the rouching on it. It looks great! And it is very nice to not be crash dieting before a wedding...first time I think!

No promises, but I'm going to try to be a better poster/commentor. I miss you all!


Jen said...

Ah, mothers. My problem is my mother-in-law. It would be so nice if they all just understood. But do what you need to do to protect your feelings.

I can't help with the traffic issues. Any chance that your office would let you work from home every morning until 10?

Morrisa said...

My mother is annoying if different ways. She doesn't seem all too thrilled about anything these days. I don't have an answer for the car issue but I am curious to see what your OB says. Maybe it has something to do with sitting in the same position for so long?

hoping for a child said...

wow, not sure what to say about your mom. that must be so difficult, but good for you to recognize it's not right what she's saying. my MIL is my problem. anyway, i hope she catches on to her mistakes and doesn't miss out on all of this. my brother's getting married too next week...guess it's a popular weekend for that. i can't help you with any of the other stuff...i'm following your lead.

Maria said...

I'm so sorry that you mom is the cause of your funks. This is just my ASSvice, but have you told her how she's making you feel? Other than that, I think it's good that you're doing what's best for you.

Jen said...

I'm sorry about the mom situation and how it is making you feel. At least you know that it is causing you pain so that you are able to do your best to avoid it. And definitely do not let yourself fell guilty for a little self protection.

Dr. Grumbles said...

I was just complaining to D how people in general think pregnancy success is all up to the woman - no matter how much science you try to throw at them. So, when things go badly, you feel like you did something wrong.

Someone needs to write an advice book on "How to talk to TTC and pregnanct women."

deanna said...

Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry about your mom's comments. Just remember that her remarks are COMPLETELY baseless. If keeping some distance from her right now helps your sanity and peace of mind, then it's definitely the right thing to do. **hugs**

The traffic thing is peculiar....I'll be interested to hear what your doc says.

Deborah said...

I'm with Maria - I don't know your mom, so I can't be sure, but the simple option of telling her "when you say x, it makes me feel y" is an often-overlooked one (and usually a good idea). I think my mom much prefers this option to trying to guess what's going to piss me off.

Adriane said...

Good to hear an update from you.

I'm so sorry about your mother. She probably has no idea how hurtful the comments are to you. That doesn't make it right or better.

The BH during traffic is interesting - and you've tried to switch things around. Very interesting. Not sure what that's about - maybe stress triggered?

Hope your OB appt goes well today!!

Kristen said...

I'm sorry about your mother. I know she means well but sometimes they just don't get how hurtful they can be. My mother does similar things but to a lesser extent. Sometimes, I just have to back away for a while to self-preserve.

Definitely talk to your doc about the BH. Maybe carry a bottle of water so you don't get dehydrated as you sit in that mess? I hope they have some insight for you.

We miss you too! XOXO

sara said...

Mothers can be so difficult, despite their best intentions. I hope you have a great time at the wedding and please take a picture of the dress, I'm sure you will look awesome! I'll be saying some good thoughts for your cervix and telling it that I demand it stay long for you and behave itself. At least that's what I've been telling my uterus lately. Let's hope they both listen and behave!