When having C.lomid inspired hot flashes....do NOT bring soup for lunch. I'm such an idiot! I've now locked my office door and am sitting in a tank top for a few minutes.
Must scrounge up something else to eat
Monday, November 12, 2007
Friday, November 9, 2007
buuuuuuuuuuuzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......
This blog is brought to you by the great cross pollination of 07. To check out my post, click on the link at the bottom. I have to admit I didn't really do it justice.
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The Curse of My Mother-In-Law's Junk
I like to have a clean house with lots of room. I do not like clutter or decorative junk. I have a few things around, so my house doesn't look "naked" but for the most part, counters are empty, tables are clear, and mantels are unadorned. My mother-in-law is the opposite. She likes her whole house to be decorated to an inch of its life. There is decorative stuff everywhere. She is also not neat or clean, so there is clutter everywhere too. She is always trying to improve me and that includes my house. When we moved in temporarily to a rented house recently, she was full of immediate plans to bring over plants and knick-knacks to fill up my nice clean space. I managed to stop her.
What I cannot stop, is her cleaning out her closet and my father-in-laws closet and giving the stuff to us. She buys tons of new clothes all the time and gives the old ones to us. My husband has more clothes than I do. Usually what I do is to take the bags that she gives us, poke through them briefly, and then give 95% of the stuff to charity. I recently told her that we were not accepting any new clothes or stuff from her. She found a loophole and is now handing my husband bags full of clothes and telling him he "left them" at her house.
My in laws have lots of money. So, usually when they give us stuff, they say things like "that is a $150 shirt." This is to make me feel guilty about giving it away. But in my opinion, if none of us want it, it is a $0 shirt.
Story: Recently my father-in-law offered us a "really expensive" pillow. I asked him why he didn't want it if it was really expensive. He told me (after I forced it out of him) that it was uncomfortable. I asked him why we would want an uncomfortable pillow. He said "but it cost $300!" I told him that it is worth nothing if it is so uncomfortable that no one wants to sleep on it. I offered to take it and throw it away for him if he were squeamish. He said no, and I bet that pillow is in a closet somewhere at their house.
I've managed to stop most of the junk coming to our house and I have stopped showing it to my husband before I get rid of it. (He learned the "but it was really expensive" from his parents.) But I will never be able to stop it completely until one of my husband's brothers gets married. Then they will be more deserving than us and hopefully I won't have to throw so much away!
If you want to see where this blog entry came from, click here. And while you are there, enter my contest!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Curse of My Mother-In-Law's Junk
I like to have a clean house with lots of room. I do not like clutter or decorative junk. I have a few things around, so my house doesn't look "naked" but for the most part, counters are empty, tables are clear, and mantels are unadorned. My mother-in-law is the opposite. She likes her whole house to be decorated to an inch of its life. There is decorative stuff everywhere. She is also not neat or clean, so there is clutter everywhere too. She is always trying to improve me and that includes my house. When we moved in temporarily to a rented house recently, she was full of immediate plans to bring over plants and knick-knacks to fill up my nice clean space. I managed to stop her.
What I cannot stop, is her cleaning out her closet and my father-in-laws closet and giving the stuff to us. She buys tons of new clothes all the time and gives the old ones to us. My husband has more clothes than I do. Usually what I do is to take the bags that she gives us, poke through them briefly, and then give 95% of the stuff to charity. I recently told her that we were not accepting any new clothes or stuff from her. She found a loophole and is now handing my husband bags full of clothes and telling him he "left them" at her house.
My in laws have lots of money. So, usually when they give us stuff, they say things like "that is a $150 shirt." This is to make me feel guilty about giving it away. But in my opinion, if none of us want it, it is a $0 shirt.
Story: Recently my father-in-law offered us a "really expensive" pillow. I asked him why he didn't want it if it was really expensive. He told me (after I forced it out of him) that it was uncomfortable. I asked him why we would want an uncomfortable pillow. He said "but it cost $300!" I told him that it is worth nothing if it is so uncomfortable that no one wants to sleep on it. I offered to take it and throw it away for him if he were squeamish. He said no, and I bet that pillow is in a closet somewhere at their house.
I've managed to stop most of the junk coming to our house and I have stopped showing it to my husband before I get rid of it. (He learned the "but it was really expensive" from his parents.) But I will never be able to stop it completely until one of my husband's brothers gets married. Then they will be more deserving than us and hopefully I won't have to throw so much away!
If you want to see where this blog entry came from, click here. And while you are there, enter my contest!
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Got to admit it's getting better
a little better all the time
(can't get much worse)
Anywho, thanks for all of your support in coming out about our IF. Don't give me too much credit, it was to a very select group of people. And so far so good. Only one off the wall but well meaning response...but she's kind of crazy anyway. One very weird story that started out with someone writing "my childhood neighbor's cousin". As if that isn't a red flag right there. Apparently this girl was told by an RE that she would never get pregnant without fertility meds but then got pregnant accidentally while on the pill while on vacation! Yes, you speed readers read that correctly....while on the pill. Now I don't know about you, but I'm NEVER using any type of birth control ever again. Why....because I'm freakin infertile!!! After that I stopped reading that particular story. I mean maybe they wanted her to have regular periods or something but the while thing seemed a little fishy to me. Obviously she was a little confused. My aunt did ask if she could tell my 14 year old cousin. Seems to me like she's opening a whole can of worms talking to a 14 year old boy about fertility treatments but hey, not my kid. Still not sure how I feel about that one. I'll have to think about it.
oh...and here's why it's getting better. I came home from work today and Mr H had booked us a weekend at a B&B. There are a bunch of wineries around it and some hiking. He had printed out all of this info on it and made reservations at a yummy looking restaurant. I am so excited for a weekend away. And we have to rush back Sunday for the Bruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuce concert that night! (that would be Bru.ce Springsteen) It's going to such a great weekend! Too bad I can't take tomorrow off but I'll make it through. Hopefully all these good things will minimize the C.lomid side effects. Are all of you veterans laughing your asses off at that one???
(can't get much worse)
Anywho, thanks for all of your support in coming out about our IF. Don't give me too much credit, it was to a very select group of people. And so far so good. Only one off the wall but well meaning response...but she's kind of crazy anyway. One very weird story that started out with someone writing "my childhood neighbor's cousin". As if that isn't a red flag right there. Apparently this girl was told by an RE that she would never get pregnant without fertility meds but then got pregnant accidentally while on the pill while on vacation! Yes, you speed readers read that correctly....while on the pill. Now I don't know about you, but I'm NEVER using any type of birth control ever again. Why....because I'm freakin infertile!!! After that I stopped reading that particular story. I mean maybe they wanted her to have regular periods or something but the while thing seemed a little fishy to me. Obviously she was a little confused. My aunt did ask if she could tell my 14 year old cousin. Seems to me like she's opening a whole can of worms talking to a 14 year old boy about fertility treatments but hey, not my kid. Still not sure how I feel about that one. I'll have to think about it.
oh...and here's why it's getting better. I came home from work today and Mr H had booked us a weekend at a B&B. There are a bunch of wineries around it and some hiking. He had printed out all of this info on it and made reservations at a yummy looking restaurant. I am so excited for a weekend away. And we have to rush back Sunday for the Bruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuce concert that night! (that would be Bru.ce Springsteen) It's going to such a great weekend! Too bad I can't take tomorrow off but I'll make it through. Hopefully all these good things will minimize the C.lomid side effects. Are all of you veterans laughing your asses off at that one???
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Cleaning out my closet
So, in the spirit of Infertility Awareness week, we decided to come out of the closet. We just sent out an email containing our big (un) announcement and invited 21 of our close friends and family (our inner circle I guess) to view another blog we set up. That blog has a little bit of our history, a lot of infertility awareness, and we'll use it to keep people as up to date as we want on our current treatments. Mr H and I had talked about it a lot and we know that we are missing out on an extensive support network. Plus, I have all of you amazing ladies as a sounding board, to dump on, and to pick me up when I can't quite do it myself. Mr H has nobody, just me, and I haven't been too good about picking anyone up lately. So we're out...
And as soon as I hit send I burst into tears for about 15 minutes. Not sure WTF I was thinking....but it's done....that's the beauty of the internet, there's no taking it back at this point. I'm ok, I know I will be ok with it but I'm just a little bit scared about putting myself out there. Seems like there are so many more opportunities to get hurt....and it doesn't take much. I'm pretty freakin fragile (I must be Italian, huh??).
So we'll see how it goes. Worst case scenario I take down the blog and pretend I never sent that email. My family's Irish Catholic....we can easily forget or repress anything ;)
And as soon as I hit send I burst into tears for about 15 minutes. Not sure WTF I was thinking....but it's done....that's the beauty of the internet, there's no taking it back at this point. I'm ok, I know I will be ok with it but I'm just a little bit scared about putting myself out there. Seems like there are so many more opportunities to get hurt....and it doesn't take much. I'm pretty freakin fragile (I must be Italian, huh??).
So we'll see how it goes. Worst case scenario I take down the blog and pretend I never sent that email. My family's Irish Catholic....we can easily forget or repress anything ;)
CD1
Thank Goodness!!! I really need to get out of limbo and get back to being optimistic about all this. I do not like having a 67 day cycle. I am so ready to finally be starting treatment! CD 3 b/w and u/s is scheduled for Friday and I take my first C.lomid that night. I think, it was so long ago that I got my protocol I forget and need to look it back up. And it was even longer since my injections class. Hopefully I didn't forget any of that.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Good things
Just to end the day on a positive note, here are some good things I'm thankful for today:
1) all of you ladies. Seriously, we're all going through some serious crap right now, yet you take the time to comment. It's amazing how much better this community makes me feel. Which brings me to the next thing I'm thankful for.
2) I got home tonight and in the pile of mail was my bracelet from Bella Vida. I think she has a few left. I am so excited to wear it and proud to be among so many amazing women (although I wish we had all meant under different circumstances).
3) I'm thankful my RE actually gets back to patients. He said if AF hasn't shown in 4 days to call him. And we can start the IUI as soon it does (my nurse also mention something about sitting out a cycle). And thanks Truculentgirl for mentioning the hysteroscopy, I'll be sure to ask about that.
So that's it, I could only come up with 3, but I think that's pretty darn good all things considered. Thank you all again!!!
1) all of you ladies. Seriously, we're all going through some serious crap right now, yet you take the time to comment. It's amazing how much better this community makes me feel. Which brings me to the next thing I'm thankful for.
2) I got home tonight and in the pile of mail was my bracelet from Bella Vida. I think she has a few left. I am so excited to wear it and proud to be among so many amazing women (although I wish we had all meant under different circumstances).
3) I'm thankful my RE actually gets back to patients. He said if AF hasn't shown in 4 days to call him. And we can start the IUI as soon it does (my nurse also mention something about sitting out a cycle). And thanks Truculentgirl for mentioning the hysteroscopy, I'll be sure to ask about that.
So that's it, I could only come up with 3, but I think that's pretty darn good all things considered. Thank you all again!!!
Going out of my mind
I might seriously lose it.
Beta was under 5, which I completely expected and, at this point, am OK with. I did the crying, raging, mad at the world thing yesterday and I am ready to move on.
I called back my nurse to see when I should expect AF and if anything would change with our IUI plans. She said I can expect it in 3-4 WEEKS. Yes, I said weeks. First off, I never have a 3-4 week cycle. If she even looked at my file, she'd see that I'm pretty consistently 33-35 days. I had mentioned that I had some spotting last week and she is saying that counted as AF. I tried to explain that all I had was some really light brown spotting and that in no way for me counts as AF. And she still stuck with her 3-4 week line. I know I may not have any medical degrees but wouldn't any lining that had built up need to come back out? And I asked her that (although I phrased it a little bit nicer). And she again said that my spotting counts.
Then I got tricky (he he he). I asked if that was the case, can the light spotting I had today make this CD1 so I can go in for bloodwork and us on Thursday and get this cycle going. She needs to go ask the dr about that.
I better freaking be able to start this IUI. It has been in the works since August. Yup, August!! Now we decided to skip September for family reasons and I am really starting to regret that. I guess I thought I was ok with and over the whole chemical pregnancy thing but apparently I wasn't. Because all I want to do is climb under something and have a sob fest. But I can't because I'm giving a workshop later on where I get to tell parents how to manage their child's difficult behaviors and I just know someone is going to ask me if I'm a parent. arg
And just to get out the very worst part of all this....I can't forget how Mr H looked at me those 2 days we thought I was pregnant. It was a look I've never seen before, it had so much love in it, and amazement at what we had done. And now that's gone. And I don't know if he'll ever look at me like that again. And it just makes me want to cry.
Beta was under 5, which I completely expected and, at this point, am OK with. I did the crying, raging, mad at the world thing yesterday and I am ready to move on.
I called back my nurse to see when I should expect AF and if anything would change with our IUI plans. She said I can expect it in 3-4 WEEKS. Yes, I said weeks. First off, I never have a 3-4 week cycle. If she even looked at my file, she'd see that I'm pretty consistently 33-35 days. I had mentioned that I had some spotting last week and she is saying that counted as AF. I tried to explain that all I had was some really light brown spotting and that in no way for me counts as AF. And she still stuck with her 3-4 week line. I know I may not have any medical degrees but wouldn't any lining that had built up need to come back out? And I asked her that (although I phrased it a little bit nicer). And she again said that my spotting counts.
Then I got tricky (he he he). I asked if that was the case, can the light spotting I had today make this CD1 so I can go in for bloodwork and us on Thursday and get this cycle going. She needs to go ask the dr about that.
I better freaking be able to start this IUI. It has been in the works since August. Yup, August!! Now we decided to skip September for family reasons and I am really starting to regret that. I guess I thought I was ok with and over the whole chemical pregnancy thing but apparently I wasn't. Because all I want to do is climb under something and have a sob fest. But I can't because I'm giving a workshop later on where I get to tell parents how to manage their child's difficult behaviors and I just know someone is going to ask me if I'm a parent. arg
And just to get out the very worst part of all this....I can't forget how Mr H looked at me those 2 days we thought I was pregnant. It was a look I've never seen before, it had so much love in it, and amazement at what we had done. And now that's gone. And I don't know if he'll ever look at me like that again. And it just makes me want to cry.
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