Wednesday, July 30, 2008

My 18 year old self mocks me-and other random thoughts

Lots of little things today

- First, I just realized that tomorrow is my blogversary! Wow--I thought I had missed it. I find it impossible to even think about how I functioned without all of you!

- Back in high school I worked at the mall (yeah C.laire's) and in the summers I used to watch the 50 year old women and pregnant ladies walk the mall each morning and night. And boy did I judge them. I would never get out of their way and always thought that if they really wanted to exercise they should get out into the world. I may have muttered that on occasion. Well last night I met my mom for dinner at the super big mall near us. The restaurant was at one end. After dinner, she had an errand to run at the complete other end and asked if I wanted to come along. When we reached the store all completely out of breathe (well just me, she was fine) I realized this was SOOOO much better than dragging my butt back out after getting home and walking in the still 90 degree heat. And then on my way home today I did it again. It felt good to check off 35-45 minutes of walking before getting home today. Who have I become?

- According to other well-meaning ladies, I managed to be a horrible mother twice in the span of 20 minutes, and of course this is all before the kid is even born. First, while getting gas, some random older woman came up and told me that under no circumstances should I be pumping my own gas because didn't I know the fumes would be bad for the baby. WTF and mind your own f-ing business. The fumes obviously did something to your brain you batty old lune. How on earth would it possible for someone to go 9 months without pumping gas??? And then in the check-out line at the grocery store this perfect 25 year old mother a 2 year old and an infant looked in my cart and said, " Yeah, when I was pregnant, I tried really hard to eat all natural and organic foods. And I think my kids are better for it". STFU--I highly doubt the kid will come out orange because I had the nerve to eat some mac and cheese. You know, the good powdered kind, full of all sorts of nasty chemicals. So yeah, I'm going to be a horrible parent, but at least I won't be a know it all ass (damn, I totally should have said that)

- While at the mall I noticed two women. One was also pregnant and had the perfect body and was wearing the shortest short shorts. I can't they make maternity shorts that short. Seriously, she looked better in them than I ever would when 8 months pregnant. So I hate her. And then a little public service announcement to a different short short wearing young 20-something. If one is going to wear shorts that have less coverage than some underwear, please take care of your personal hygiene. One should consider a good thorough wax. Disgusting

- Mr H has been out of town all week for work. I never sleep as good when I'm by myself and you can see this turns me into a pretty snarky bitch. Worst part is that they are staying at this amazing golf and spa resort. He called me after work on his way to the pool to sit in the lazy river. I wanted to kill him.

Think that is enough random thoughts for now. I had other things spilling through my head all day but most of them got kicked out by my super annoying gas and grocery outing. Oh--and thanks for agreeing that those undies were defective. Mr H said I should return them---like I would really waddle my big ol ass into a store and say that these ripped on me and I want my money back. That is only good for a hazing ritual or something, no way I would ever do that!


deanna said...

Holy frick, holy FRICK! I'm just totally reeling from the two women who decided to anoint you with their unwanted pregnancy wisdom. I have no idea what I would have said!

Heather said...

YAY for walking and DOUBLE YAY for doing it in the AC - more power to you!!

And that pregnant chick - if she has the kind of body I am thinking of, she probably just bought bigger size short. Or went to the plus size section and got something stretchy. I totally hate those women.

And, I hate that I always think of the thing I should have said way afterwards...why can't people mind their business. Boxes mac and cheese never hurt anyone and most of us grew up on it.

Jen said...

I pumped my own gas today too. We can hang out together with our two headed babies.

Fertilized said...

WHY O WHY do women with children become Know it alls for EVERYONE! Sorry I wish I could tell you the assvice stops when you arent pregnant anymore . ..

Happy BLogoversay!

sara said...

Wow - some people really don't know when to close their mouths! I would never dream of saying anything like that to a pregnant woman - how crazy rude! Sorry for having to hear those two nutballs. Congrats on squeezing in a walk in the AC - that's awesome! For what it's worth, I pump my own gas also while pregnant. It's one of the few things I feel like I can do for myself these days - and I plan to continue. Pump away girl! And I'm not talking about breastfeeding, LOL! ((hugs))

Cece said...

That is exactly what I pposted about yesterday! WTF is it was people telling random pregnant strangers what to do!!!!


Ms. Infertile said...

Happy Blogoversary!
And, yeah for mac n cheese! I can't believe someone would have the nerve to give assvice to another person in a grocery checkout line. Sorry you had to listen to that - I don't know how I would have replied to her.

Shelby said...

Happy Blogoversary!! It's amazing how much we've all been through in the last year, and being able to do it together has made it so much easier.

And I hear you on walking at the mall. I used to do it when pregnant, and then when the baby came, we woudl get our exercise that way too. Especially if it was hot or raining. Plus it never hurt that there is any kind of food you could ever want there. ;)

I remember when I was expecting my daughter, and in line at the grocery store. In the same trip. some lady came up to me and said that I was so brave to be doing this alone (my wedding band was tight so I stopped wearing it, making me look single). And then in line at the checkout, another lady yelled at me for buying ground beef, because i was going to give my baby foot and mouth disease. Seriously- I wanted to smack the hell out of her.

Jennifer said...

I would've handed the gas pump to that woman and said - THANKS FOR OFFERING...HERE YOU GO...LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU'RE DONE!

When my DH travels (which is often)...I usually invite my beloved pup to sleep on the bed with me. That way my mind is tricked into thinking DH is there (sort of)!

Rebecca said...

GOD...people are so rude! I can't believe you didn't just go off on them and put them in their place, but for some reason, pregnant people are supposed to be thankful for all of the advice...I don't think so! I love what Jennifer said in her comment about the lady pumping your gas...hysterical.

I haven't been out in public in a few weeks, but I think that if I saw someone in short shorts pregnant, I may start laughing...there is no way I could do that!

I think your hubby owes you a nice relaxing vacation when this is all deserve it!

Jendeis said...

Yay for walking! Double Yay for the mall!

I will find those women and use the rage given to me by AF to beat the crap out of them. Is it any of their business what you are buying?

Lollipop Goldstein said...

Happy blogoversary.

I wish I could tell you that the assvice will end with the birth, but just wait until the kindly strangers at Costco start telling you that you're a terrible mother because your child isn't wearing socks/shoes...IN THE BABY BJORN!

battynurse said...

Ewww. Laughing and a bit grossed out at the idea of the lady in short shorts without taking proper care of personal business. As far as the know it all bitches who thought they should educate you? What nerve. Some people are so annoying.

Amanda said...

So we'll both be horrible moms. I've pumped my own gas (who the hell else is going to do it?) and I've eaten whatever I can keep down, which I can assure you has neither been organic or particularly nutritious. But I'm sure we'll both get even more judgement before the journey's done. They can all kiss our asses! ;-)

Dude...the maternity shorts at Target are soooo short!!! WTF?

Yay for walking in the A/C!

Scoot said...

Love the idea that strangers think you are waiting for their very helpful or them. Mac and cheese just makes everything better.

Lea Bee said...

maybe tell that lady in the grocery store that since you just quit the heroin cold turkey yesterday, your plan is to eat whatever will stay down at this point....if that meets with her exacting standards, of course.

i don't know about you, but i've heard that strangers that criticize others food choices in checkout lanes are actually pod people. it's good to have a store of mac and cheese on hand in case this is the beginning of the takeover.