I still don't know where to start when I sit down to write. I can tell you a few things though. Without a doubt, working a 15 hour day is NOT a good idea. Yesterday just about killed me. Oh, and the old saying 'Never wake a sleeping baby' also holds true for someone in her first trimester. My stupid (oops, I mean wonderful) husband keeps waking me up. He doesn't want me to sleep too much. I'm about ready to kill him.
On to my mental health. I came to the realization Monday night, after staring at that little ultrasound picture but cautioning myself and not allowing myself not to think more than 1 week into the future, that I'm completely kidding myself. I'm certainly not protecting myself. If this whole thing heads south, there is no way on earth I could be prepared for it and I would most certainly be devastated. So...I decided to enjoy this and try to live my life like a regular pregnant (did you catch that....I said it) lady. I still know that we've got a long way to go, but one of the things the ultrasound tech said stuck with me. She kept pointing to the screen saying, "That's your baby". She did not say what was in my head, "That's a random clump of cells that may or may not become a baby in 9 more months". She simply said, "That's your baby" with a huge smile on her face. There's a big difference in those two sentences. I want to think positively. I'm currently more pregnant than I've ever been...and for all I know, this might be as much as I get. I'd much rather enjoy it, than be miserable.
Of course I say enjoy it, and I am, for the most part. Thing is, all day long, I'm really afraid that every time I open my mouth, copious amounts of vomit will spew forth. Now I'm not typically a puker...and I'm really hoping I don't become one. But pretty much all day long, I feel like I'm about to. It's much worse in the morning and at night. Mid day is when I get down right ravenous, eating one lunch around 11 and another at 1. I'm just crossing my fingers that it means the little heart is still beating.
Ok, enough rambling. Maybe someday I will put together a coherent post. Now it's back to bed for some DVR
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15 comments:
Ah, I love my DVR.
Throwing up is not fun, but in this case it is good. Odds and everything.
Is there anyway for you to get your ultrasound picture online so we can tell you how cute and intelligent your child is?
I so do not ever wake up in a great mood, especially when I've been woken up against my will. Hope hubby figures out sleep is ok.
You know what you said about enjoying this as much as possible is true. I hadn't thought of it like that but your right. Now matter how you look at it, if this was to go south as you put it, it still is going to suck like crazy and hurt like hell. I hope that if this crazy science project of mine does work I will be able to remember that.
Sorry about the morning (or all-day) sickness, but it's supposed to be a good sign! I think you are doing the right think by considering yourself a normal PREGNANT woman!! Yay! :) I hope you get caught up on sleep sometime soon.
So very happy for you. I agree just start enjoying it as the other option sucks. You can't control what happens next so let just assume everything is going to work out perfectly! It's much more fun this way!
YAY you said the p word!! Thinking positive is sometimes the only thing we have in our control. Sorry about the morning (and night) sickness.
Hey girl...sorry I've been so bad about commenting lately. I had a ruptured ovarian cyst last week and haven't been feeling the best...but would love to catch up on everyone's posts soon! Thanks for keeping an eye on me...and I hope all is well for you and the little one!
lots o hugs,
sara
No matter how many walls and barriers we put around our hearts, it is impossible not to love that little baby from the moment we see those 2 lines. I promise it is better to have loved with your whole heart...no matter what the outcome than to put up walls. But....the outcome is going to be great for you....i just know it!
I am so glad you are embracing this for what it is. The risks that face us are there, and we have to enjoy what we have while we have it. Good for you!! Congrats again - I am so happy for you!!!
Very healthy attitude to take, it's what my therapist would tell me :)
Easier said than done, and it won't be all the time, but you can do it. :)
TiVo is honestly one of my dearest friends. Ok, not exactly this bad, but I love that machine.
I wanted to say Yay for your pregnancy and wish you all the best, complete with many more weeks of nausea and sleepiness (those things give me comfort of thinking everything is developing normally). And yes, waking a sleeping woman is a silly thing to do. Maybe your hubby should make friends with a DVR. :)
I was thinking the same thing myself earlier this week. None of this worrying is going to make things easier if this doesn't work out. So why not just enjoy the present? Of course I have to keep reminding myself of this, but oh well.
what a great post. you are in an awesome place right now and it sounds like a really healthy but realistic place for you....major kuddos!
I understand the head space you are in and where you are trying to keep yourself. I made a vow to myself the other night that, if this cycle makes me pregnant, I will work hard to enjoy it as much as I can. Would I feel better about losing the pregnancy if I didn't treasure every moment? No. In fact, I would probably regret not absorbing everything that comes along with pregnancy and celebrating the fact that one or two of these embryos have decided to stick with me, even if only temporarily.
We can work together to try to make this happen!!
XOXO
Oh! I'm on my couch with DVR after just puking myself! What a coincidence! I can't believe that your husband doesn't want you to "sleep too much." Is that even possible at this point?
I know what you mean, I try not to think ahead or hope but at the same time, it's daft because it's stilla total kick inthe guts if anything happens.
J
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