I still don't know where to start when I sit down to write. I can tell you a few things though. Without a doubt, working a 15 hour day is NOT a good idea. Yesterday just about killed me. Oh, and the old saying 'Never wake a sleeping baby' also holds true for someone in her first trimester. My stupid (oops, I mean wonderful) husband keeps waking me up. He doesn't want me to sleep too much. I'm about ready to kill him.
On to my mental health. I came to the realization Monday night, after staring at that little ultrasound picture but cautioning myself and not allowing myself not to think more than 1 week into the future, that I'm completely kidding myself. I'm certainly not protecting myself. If this whole thing heads south, there is no way on earth I could be prepared for it and I would most certainly be devastated. So...I decided to enjoy this and try to live my life like a regular pregnant (did you catch that....I said it) lady. I still know that we've got a long way to go, but one of the things the ultrasound tech said stuck with me. She kept pointing to the screen saying, "That's your baby". She did not say what was in my head, "That's a random clump of cells that may or may not become a baby in 9 more months". She simply said, "That's your baby" with a huge smile on her face. There's a big difference in those two sentences. I want to think positively. I'm currently more pregnant than I've ever been...and for all I know, this might be as much as I get. I'd much rather enjoy it, than be miserable.
Of course I say enjoy it, and I am, for the most part. Thing is, all day long, I'm really afraid that every time I open my mouth, copious amounts of vomit will spew forth. Now I'm not typically a puker...and I'm really hoping I don't become one. But pretty much all day long, I feel like I'm about to. It's much worse in the morning and at night. Mid day is when I get down right ravenous, eating one lunch around 11 and another at 1. I'm just crossing my fingers that it means the little heart is still beating.
Ok, enough rambling. Maybe someday I will put together a coherent post. Now it's back to bed for some DVR