Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Barren Bitches Book Brigade-updated

As promised, here's that last question

First off, the business:

Hop along to another stop on this blog tour by visiting the main list at http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/. You can also sign up for the next book on this online book club: The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood.

5. At the very close of the book, having discovered her balanced translocation, Elinor likens herself to a screwed up silverware drawer. "Yet there's solace in discovering something is tangibly wrong. A diagnosis rather than you're old" Have you ever felt like this? Do you have a diagnosis for your fertility problems? Was it a relief? If your problem is unidentified, or age is against you, do you wish that you did have a reason?

I've been upset more than once with our 'unexplained' diagnosis. In fact, I've raged, cried, and screamed about it and have spent more time on G.oogle than any one person should. I want there to be a problem I can fix (and yes, I realize that is a little greedy since many problems can't be fixed). At a minimum, I want a better starting point than what we've got right now. I think we (and I mean the collective we, all of us) all deserve a better starting point. So yes, I would probably feel some solace if we ever get a diagnosis. That's not to say I won't get upset about that diagnosis too, but I'm pretty sure I will breathe a great big sigh of relief to get a diagnosis and a better game plan.

6. I feel like the author was trying to show all sides of these complicated relationships, wanting you to sympathize with Elinor, Ted, Gina and Toby. Did you find yourself able to sympathize, or at least not dislike, all of these characters?

I was very conflicted about my thoughts on all of the characters. Surprisingly, I had the hardest time with my relationship with Elinor. I thought I would immediately sympathize with her. Instead, after reading her thoughts and nodding my head in agreement, I read Ted's point of view, and agreed with him too. It was like looking at myself from a distance and not always liking what I saw. And then Gina. I was dead set on hating her and did until Toby came into the picture. I'll admit, I still don't have too much sympathy for anyone who knowingly sleeps with a married man but I did feel bad for her. She tried so hard with Toby. Same with Ted. I really didn't want to like him and I know that there is no excuse for cheating but again, I did feel for him. Just makes you realize how complicated everything is.

7. Elinor's thought on page 47 really struck me: "When Elinor was paying attention to her career, she should have been paying attention to her biological clock. When she was paying attention to her biological clock, she should have been paying attention to her husband." It made me wonder: Am I paying attention now to the things I should be paying attention to now? Are you?
I read that line over and over too. It really hit home with me. I think about this ALL the time. I'm constantly worried that I'm missing something else because I'm so pre-occupied with all this IF crap. My brother is getting married in a few months and I'm so afraid that I'm not being there for him like he was for me (he was my Man of Honor...that's how awesome a bro he is!!). And then on the way home from work today, a song on my ip.od, "Live in the Now" came on...I know that is something I need to start doing more of, just still working on how

9 comments:

Samantha said...

I too was surprised by how much I was able to sympathize with all of the characters, even with their bad decisions.

noswimmers said...

I was also surprised that I couldn't *hate* Gina--go figure!

Mommy Someday said...

Unexplained infertility sucks! Thanks for sharing!

Road Blocks and Roller Coasters said...

I too found myself surprised by the fact that I sympathized with Ted on some level. I expected that I would dislike him, and really at times I would get really frustrated with Elinor. It was a strange experience to say the least.

Thanks for sharing! :)

Lori said...

I really struggled with the "why." Not just the physical one, but the cosmic one.

Glad to know I'm not the only one who couldn't hate Gina.

Thanks for your candor on your last question. Sounds like you have a great brother.

The Dunn Family said...

I'm a cranky one. I did feel for Gina sometimes, but I was so angry at her for getting involved with a married man. I just feel like that is a line you just shouldn't cross!

The last question you answered is such a tough one. How do you know if you are concentrating and putting all your energy into the right thing? I don't know. I guess only time will tell.

The Town Criers said...

Your third answer, I was thinking of the same thing today. Am I doing what I should be doing right now. It's hard to know if you're living without regrets until you get in the future and you have no regrets :-)

deanna said...

I found Ted to be one of the most sympathetic characters of the whole bunch. Often I cast a shadow of my husband upon him and was using Ted to try to understand how Elinor's (and some days, my) conflicting behavior plays out on my own husband.

In my IF experience, your first question and last question ended up completely intertwined. While my husband and I were in the "unexplained" category, I felt like I couldn't think a single, unscattered thought. I was always distracted by a new strategy, a new interpretation of my chart, etc. I know that I definitely neglected people and things that I should not have during this time, but I was covered in waves of worry. Once we got a diagnosis, though, the haze just lifted off my life. I've been making a conscious effort to recover those relationships that were neglected before, and I hope those days of drowning are gone forever. I hope you'll have a diagnosis soon, too.

Ms. Infertile said...

"I'm constantly worried that I'm missing something else because I'm so pre-occupied with all this IF crap" - me too. I sometimes think that someday I will look back and only remember IF.