I've been thinking alot about our unexplained diagnosis and have been sitting on this post for awhile. I was hoping it would become less bitter and angry over time but since it hasn't I guess I just have to roll with my feelings.
Society doesn't really put too much stock into things that are unexplained. UFO's, psychics, seeing Jesus in toast, life on other planets, etc. As adults if we can't see it, touch it, or smell it, we don't seem to believe it's true. Just think of how quickly we ditch Santa Claus as kids because no one can explain how someone flies through the night dropping off presents (and that would be a great one to believe!). We're skeptical, cynical by nature.
I'm guilty of it too. At work, I discuss with the parents of my students the importance of using e.vidence based treatments and not to believe people's claims of overnight fixes and recoveries. I want to see data. When working with my students and in writing their treatment plans, I talk about things I can see and hear. It's more objective, less open to interpretation, and in my opinion, more valid.
So where does that leave me? I'm unexplained...does that make my infertility any less valid? I certainly don't think so. But I can't get it to mesh with the rest of my thinking. And when I tell other people (the few that I have told), they say "oh good, nothing's wrong". Nothing's wrong!! Are you fucking kidding me?!?! Something is seriously fucking wrong here. My body is broken and no one can seem to tell me why. How on earth can nothing be fucking wrong. We're on 16 months of actively trying and 28 months without using any birth control. B.rittney Spears would be pregnant 3 times over at this point.
I keep searching and searching for an actual answer. I seriously think even Google is tired of me at this point. I am not OK with the unexplained. Mr H tells me I should be and I should be happy that I don't need surgery, etc...that nothing is wrong. I'm not happy and something is wrong! No one would be OK being told they have unexplained cancer, that the doctors don't know what kind or where it is or how to treat it but they'll start you on something that has worked for a bunch of other people. Why should I (or any of us) be OK with that just because the topic is infertility?
And it's not that I want a quick fix...I just want to know that it can be fixed. And in order to know that, I need to know what is wrong, what part is broken. It's killing me that they can't label it and that no one knows.
I've become a research whore at this point, trying to gather as much information as I can. Guess it's all I can do...