I wish there was someplace you could buy some strength. I've really needed it the last 2 days.
On the 2ww front, still no spotting at all, just mild cramps. Nothing like how I usually am. I'm not sure if this is how normal people are but it is driving me batty. I was all set and ready to start meds in a few days and now I'm all hopeful and stupid. Yes stupid. That is what IF does to me. I lose all rational thought and think that I could actually be the 1%. So I've POAS the last 2 mornings and as usual, nothing. So I need to go to the strength store and get a little something to bring back rational thought.
And for the rest of my life, a good friend of ours is getting married and we've been looking forward to their wedding forever. Mr H is the best man so we went to a rehearsal dinner last night and the wife and one of the groomsmen who we knew started trying in April, is 4 months pregnant. I was so not prepared for it. I saw her round the corner with her adorable little tiny bump and thought I was going to lose my shit. It was the first time they've been back to the area so there were hugs and congrats all around. And then the grooms nieces showed up, 15 months old and adorable. I was prepared for them and ok with it since I knew his sister did IVF but the combo of the 2 sent me over the edge. I spent about 20 minutes in the bathroom calming myself down. And then when I re-joined the party got in a fight with Mr H when he told me I looked too sad and to put on my brave face. I said this was as brave as I got and since I wasn't crying I was pretty damn proud of myself. So I also need to go to the strength store for something to get me through the wedding tonight.
Doesn't help that I'm sick and doped up on cold medicine (which in my irrational state I don't want to take because I must be pregnant, right??? That's got to be the only reason for having a normal LP....)
where's that strength again??
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About Me
- Meghan
- This is a little bit about me, my hubby, and our journey to start a family.
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Total out of pocket expenses to date
$3487.41~that includes various co-pays, 1 CD 3 bloodwork and 1 ultrasound for testing, HSG, 2 betas, IUI #1 (meds, 3x b/w and u/s, IUI, and beta), IUI #2 (meds, 3x u/s, 2x b/w, IUI)
Our timeline
- Jan 22 saw heartbeat at 6w3d...guess it's real
- 18 dpiui beta = 1077!
- 16dpiui beta = 450
- 13dpiui beta = 121
- Dec 07- IUI #2- 50 mg C.lomid + 150 IU F.ollistim = BFP!
- Nov 07- IUI #1-50 mg C.lomid + 75 IU f.ollistim = BFN
- Nov 5- BFN, beta dropped to less than 5, chemical pregnancy
- Nov 1-BFP on 4 HPT--what a suprise!!!!
- October 07-Sept was annovulatory, waiting on AF to start first IUI
- September 07-on the bench
- August 07- officially diagnosed with "unexplained fertility", going to start with IUI
- July/August 07- CD 3 bloodwork all normal, HSG all clear!!!
- June 07-finally get first RE appt!
- March 07- CD 21 progesterone test showed I didn't ovulate that month, Hubby's SA came back with low morphology. Gyno referred us to an RE
- Feb 07- scheduled appt with gyno, charting showed late O and probably LPD
- June 06- got serious! Started charting and using CBEFM
- June 05- went off bcp, sometimes preventing, sometimes trying, not taking the whole thing too seriously
- April 05- We got married!!
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- I am a weak weak woman
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- Some people will never get it
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10 comments:
Progesterone causes cramping. Try to remember that. I have everything crossed and said a prayer for you.
When I find that strength store. I will buy all they have and send it out. Hang in there
Let me know when you find that repository of strength.
I could do with some too, along with many other virtues.
J
I know you're probably already at the wedding, but I find that looking fantastic helps me to FEEL fantastic. Even when I don't.
If I had any strength, I would totally Fed-Ex some to you (and everyone else who asked for it.)
I hope you enjoy yourself and dance, and maybe even drink some of whatever is in that toasting goblet.
Progesterone always makes me feel all emotions 100x more intensely. I had a similar interaction with Mr. B once. So I know. I am sure you got through last night, perhaps a bit bruised, but okay. I'm thinking of you.
If you find the address of the strength store, please share it with us!!!
ah....the meltdown in the bathroom stall. An occurrence all too common for me. No answers or words of advice...just true empathy.
Ugh, just what you need during the 2ww is a kid and a pregnant lady. So unfair.
I'm hoping the lack of spotting is a VERY good sign! Good luck!
I hate that IF makes me feels so isolated sometimes.
I went to a wedding this weekend too and had a similar things happen. I just wanted to leave and go home when I saw my pregnant friend. I could feel myself visibly deflating and no amount of champagne and cake was going to make me happy at that point.
But life goes on. Humph.
I need directions to that strength store too. If I come across it, I'll be sure to let you konw.
I'm sorry about all the baby stuff in your face. It is so hard to take.
I hope the rest of the wedding experience was a blast :)
XOXO
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